should i actually read the am i a lesbian masterdoc

ok i am reading it

the first section is about comphet and it's okay i guess, don't really have any thoughts on it.

"If you’re questioning if you’re a lesbian, it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them." i like this but ive also had bi women literally tell me they'd be happier dating non-men and then still center them lol

"Lesbians are allowed to like male celebrities and fictional characters. male celebrities/fictional characters are completely unobtainable crushes and thus it allows the lesbian in question to distance themselves from men." i guess this is consistent with the statement that

being a lesbian is more about whether you can imagine yourself having a fulfilling relationship with non-men, but i'm not really sure how deep the "like" that is being used here is. like does celebrity crush just mean thinking they're conventionally attractive?

"It’s okay to try on the lesbian identity and see how it fits you" is honestly just a really funny statement all things considered. i understand what they're going for but it just makes me laugh.

"Attraction is super complicated. It’s possible to recognize a man IS attractive but not be attracted TO him." okay this does clarify some questions i've had. a delineation is being made between desires forged from heteropatriarchy and actual attraction

"Society puts so much emphasis on the importance and intensity of heterosexual love and attraction that it’s important to actively remind yourself that it’s possible to love someone and have a deep interest in them without having romantic or sexual feelings towards them"

this part is just in general a really really good thing for people to internalize. people be chasing romantic or sexual relationships to the point of conflating a strong interest in or love for someone with that desire for those relationships.

going through the signs of comphet list/section and "I do not like the reality of men, only the idea of being with men" hit me because the embracing of "the reality of men" is a huge point of contention due to the acceptance of patriarchal violence.

"You mistake the desire for male approval as attraction" and "Reading a desire to be attractive to men as attraction to them" are two things i don't recommend to any non-man, straight, bi, or lesbian tbh lmao

"Having a lot of your ‘guy’ crushes later turn out to be trans women" seems like an uh....unnecessary addition?

"You wish you weren’t attracted to men / You wish you were a lesbian" plsss this is so corny every time i hear/see it.

"Having sex not out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because you like feeling wanted OR: preferring to ‘be a tease’ to feel wanted but feeling like following through is a chore" definitely some deep rooted probs here not necessarily due to comphet

"Using sex with men as a form of self-harm" this one hits loud af

"Having a lot of conflicting gender feelings that are only possible to resolve once you understand you are/can be a lesbian" omg it me

"Thinking that being gnc and feeling a disconnect from traditional womanhood mean that you can’t be a woman even if that’s what feels closest to right-many lesbians are gnc and many lesbians feel disconnected from traditional womanhood since it’s so bound up in heteropatriarchy."

"Knowing you’re attracted to women and not being able to parse that (esp + any gender nonconformance) as gay, taking a long time to figure out if you’re a straight man or a lesbian" ok stop subtweeting me

"Knowing you’re attracted to women, but feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable trying to interact with them as a straight man, and only later realizing you’re actually a trans lesbian"

"Being nonbinary and taking a long time to sort through being able to respect/understand your nonbinary identity and your lesbianness at the same time" getting flashbacks to all the "gail, we all knew you were a lesbian already :/" comments

i'm at the "considering lesbianism" and don't really have comments on specific points but wish there was like a disclaimer that "wanting to be a lesbian" (which is eh on its own) is different from fetishizing non-men

there's a section about attraction vs comphet and i'm glad it goes into this.

"Our culture, in general, disregards or challenges wlw’s attraction and it gives this anxiety that we need to know 100% that we are not and will never be attracted to men no matter what in order to claim labels." yeah, i'm glad this was said.

"We’ve also grown up in a heteronormative and cisnormative society that repetitively teaches and reemphasizes the same singular sexual “script” for how sex is supposed to go, over and over and over."

"They do not teach any others, and it requires non-straight and non-cis people to invent their own sexual scripts individually and with partners."

"My simplest advice on getting through it is this: even if you ​are ​attracted to men, you ​do not​ need to date them if you don’t want to. If you only want to date other women, then you have the right to that." nothing but facts to be found here.

okay i'm at the "You might be a lesbian if TL;DR" section so basically the summary list i guess.

"Men are okay in theory but terrible in practice"

"You feel like you could enjoy sexual interaction with a woman, even if you can’t imagine having romantic feelings for a woman"

again i'd be very careful to not enter fetishistic territory with this kind of sentiment, esp when Blackness is involved.

"You feel like you’re performing your attraction to men, for yourself and/or other people." kind of redundant, all het relationships are based on some sort of performance

"You think that because you could survive dating, marrying, and/or having sex with a man, you’re attracted to men (hint: you don’t have to settle for just surviving)."

"You prefer/are exclusively attracted to “feminine” men... basically you only like men if they’re “womanly” enough." i don't think i've commented on these, but i wish these sort of points weren't in the doc

"Other people tell you you’re acting like an over-invested lesbian ally or you feel like you are acting like an over-invested lesbian ally" my lesbian friends and i when i joined in on them dunking on bad bi takes before even realizing i was a lesbian myself

"The only men you’re attracted to are those who hurt you, harass you, or abuse you." this a goddamn bullhorn

"Do you love them because they’re your boyfriend or are they your boyfriend because you love them? If it’s the first, you might not actually be attracted to them."