how to tell if you’re being emotionally manipulated, and what to do: a thread

1. usually, manipulators aren’t the greatest friends, partners, or parents. they’ll do something wrong, but when you bring it up to them they’ll use these tactics. here’s how to recognize and deal with them.

2. when you bring up something wrong they’ve done, they’ll use excessive empty apologies and negative language about themselves. this can be, “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry, i suck so bad i’m the worse please forgive me i’m a terrible person.”

2a. this is so you’ll feel bad and end up comforting them in their own apology, and immediately forgive them.

3. they’ll act like something wrong they did never occurred. this type of manipulation is called gaslighting, and it undermines your sense of reality. you’ll second guess yourself: “maybe i’m overreacting, what they did wasn’t that bad.”

3a. that’s what they want. you’ll forgive them as soon as you think your emotions about a situation aren’t valid or you’re not correct about what happened.

4. act like they’ll stop when you bring up an issue with their actions, but continue to do so. additionally, when you bring up the issue again, they’ll act as if you’re overreacting or crazy. again, this is gaslighting, and it makes you second guess yourself.

5. none of their actions are their fault. they may blame their mental health (which can be a valid excuse sometimes, but not always), family issues, or even you. they will consistently play the victim every time you call them out on something.

6. going into things too fast. this can apply to both friendships, romantic relationships, or even reunions with long lost family. they will “love bomb” you (gifts, saying i love you too soon, etc), and expect the same back.

6a. this portrays them as sensitive and vulnerable, and makes you feel like the cold and closed off one. this is also to make you adore them sooner so you can’t get out of the relationship when it’s too late.

7. they don’t provide the support you give them back. most of your time with them is spent comforting them or helping them with stuff. if something is ever about you, they will shift the conversation back to them. it’s ALWAYS about their feelings, not yours

8. undermining your emotions. this is a big one, but it can be subtle and hard to catch. maybe it’s a bad day at work or school, and when you try to talk about it they’ll one up you.

8a. this is to make things easier on them when they need to apologize for something. you’ll always feel you’re overreacting, “oh, they have it worse than me, why am i complaining?”

how to avoid this and how to deal with them: don’t let them make you feel like your emotions are invalid. they are. when they’ve done something wrong, don’t let them guilt you into apologizing or play victim.

distance yourself emotionally. know any threats they make are likely empty. threats such as “i’ll kill myself if you don’t forgive me” are purely to manipulate you into forgiveness. remain blunt if you have to have a conversation with them,

but cutting them off a soon as you can is the best choice. if you’re having a conversation with one, don’t let them divert the conversation from an issue you have with them to something they’re upset about.

genuinely, the best advice i can give you is to cut them out of your life. if it’s a parent or relative that you don’t live with, ignore their calls and texts. if it’s a parent you do live with, know your feelings about them are valid and true.

if it’s a friendship, end the friendship. if it’s a relationship, things can get frustrating or even scary, you may feel trapped, but know that breaking out of that relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself.

i hope this helped, dm me if you have any questions. here are some resources as well:

family manipulation:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/family-manipulation

manipulation in relationships: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201407/how-recognize-and-handle-manipulative-relationships?amp

how to deal with manipulation in friendships: https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Manipulative-Friend?amp=1