Started going through Snapchat memories just laughing at stupid shit I’ve gotten on camera and then a video of my ex and my sisters bf playing jenga with logs that were on fire in the fire pit.

Usually I don’t have fond memories when I think of him cause he was a complete ass towards the end and hurt me a lot but it reminded me of who he was in the beginning (or who he was pretending to be)and it made me realize I can feel good about the good memories and that’s not bad

I would 100% never date him again but being in a relationship with someone so open and so similar to me made me realize so much about myself he made me love myself even more than I did before. Don’t get me wrong he also made me feel like I was in an abusive relationship but

When it was good it was really really good. And I need to focus on the good more cause I don’t want to shit talk people that aren’t in my life anymore (even if they deserve it). I feel like I’ve grown so much and I’m finally able to let it go? I dont know I self reflect on

Everything constantly so I’ll probably still think about that relationship and how I can grow from it I just hope it’s less and less. I don’t like comparing every relationship I have to that but I didn’t really have a choice cause it was my first real relationship.

This thread sounds too much like I’m still in love with him for me to just leave it here. So I’m gonna try to rephrase my thoughts into a more cohesive way.

What I meant when I say I think about him is that I think about things I did in that relationship and how they affected it because I want to be the best girlfriend that I can be. Also for a long time I wanted answers on why he went from being so insanely in love with me to hating