Foodbanks and free school meals are relief of a sort, but there's so much donated food can't do.

It can't cover electric or gas. It won't stop the meter cutting out. It won't keep the heating on. It won't charge your phone. It won't run the shower, no matter how bad you smell.

It won't pay the landlord, or stave off your eviction. It won't rent you a lock up while you sofa surf and pray for safety, late at night in desperate council B&Bs.

It won't answer the door to bailiffs. It won't give you a new key when they change the locks.

Donated food is incapable of doing the school run. It can't drive your car and it won't pay the insurance, or tax it, or find you a space to park so you can SORN it, or save it from the crusher. It won't get you off your bus/train fares either. It won't even carry itself home.

Donated food is not school shoes, or gym kits, or the fucking ingredients for fucking sponge cake in Home Economics, even though all the family hates sponge cake. Or art subs. Or non uniform day. Or that trip.

A pencil case is out of the question. FFS do not lose this one!

Donated food isn't much use in the washing machine and I can tell you from experience that the maximum number of times you can get away with not using soap is once, and not even that when there is sweat, or kids, or food involved.

No good for doing the floor either. Or the loo.

Donated food won't amuse the kids. You can't read it for long. There are 13 words on the front of a Heinz tin if chicken soup and all the words on the back are boring, or twee. 12 words if it doesn't say "multipack".

YouTube is free... If you have data, or WiFi, or a TV licence.

Donated food won't pay his child support to his ex. Or the little businesses who were valuing your custom more than you knew. It can't settle that £30 a week you have been sorting your sister out since she lent you, in the last emergency. It won't pay down your catalog either.

Donated food does not give a shit if your boss wants you to work on the other site, one borough over. Or wear a dry cleaned suit. Or make up. Or steel toecaps. Or give Joe from the office a lift. You better find a way to make that happen Sonny. Or get really used to donated food.

Donated food isn't much good as a Christmas gift. Who wants a gift-wrapped 4 pack of peeled plum tomatoes. If you can find giftwrap, or a card. Your kids will try to forgive you, as they choke it back, when Emily in class got the exact Barbie they wanted and she didn't even care.

Donated food isn't the answer. It's an vitally necessary, essential sticking plaster, on the gaping wound where a system of social security once sat. Back in the days when benefits were grim, but you didn't burn all your bridges, and go insane, eating your donated food.