They remember that the Wens are asleep, so they laugh in whispers.

And that's how they drift to sleep--until WWX murmurs, half-conscious, "Lan Zhan, tell me your secret the next time we meet, okay? That way, we'll have to meet."

"....Mn."

They sleep. Soundly. For both of them, the first time in months it's a restful slumber. Even on that cold slab of stone, they sleep.

In the middle of the night, WWX gets up to cover them in the ragged blanket. To LWJ's sleeping face, he whispers, "Thank you, Lan Zhan."

He settles onto LWJ's shoulder and says, closing his eyes, "Can't wait to hear your secret. Can't believe you /have/ secrets." He chuckles. "But I suppose both of us have grown now."

He sleeps, both of them nestled together.

//That's it for tonight! Updates will come Sunday night! I hope you enjoyed.

LWJ eventually tells WWX his secret.

But it is not in Yunmeng. It is not done on the sunny docks at Lotus Pier, bathed in laughter. It is not done in a boat as they pick lotus seeds.

Instead, he tells it to WWX in a cave, hurriedly. After the battle at Nightless City.

He tells it to him desperately, in hushed tones, knowing that they are being hunted.

WWX responds incoherently, shaking his head, half-conscious.

LWJ pours his spiritual energy into him, holding his hand. His face is wet with sweat and--tears.

WWX is fading before his eyes. So he says, shaking WWX by the wrists, "Wei Ying."

At one point in those two days, WWX has a moment of clarity. "Lan Zhan?"

"Wei Ying!" LWJ gets closer, cradles his face.

WWX fades again, so LWJ says, "I'll tell you my secret if you stay awake!"

WWX's head bobs a little and his eyes flutter open. "Lan Zhan." His voice is ash.

LWJ gets close to him, so close, their foreheads touching. He is crying all over WWX's face. And then he whispers his secret.

When he pulls away, WWX smiles a bit, says, "It's cold, Lan Zhan."

LWJ returns to the task of giving WWX his spiritual energy, pleas on his lips.

He has always had an intuitive sense of time, an internal clock, but he has no clue if it's day or night when the 33 cultivators come.

When he fights them off.

When they pry him away from WWX.

He *does* know exactly what time it is when he learns that WWX is dead.

He remembers that time for the rest of his life.

And he remembers the secret he told, thinking WWX has heard it, died knowing it.

Over the span of those thirteen years, LWJ continues to collect secrets. Like WWX once said, he grows. He hides treasures away. He makes secret visits to Yiling, wondering what is there--if anything remains.

And on some nights, after his back begins to heal, he feels phantom pains--of where the whip marks used to be, but also, different phantom aches.

Aches for Wei Wuxian.

Down below.

On those nights, he stays a little past 9 p.m., his hand roaming downwards.

Early on, when his back wounds hurt too much for him to lie prostrate, he lies on his stomach, propped up on his knees, and lets one hand roam down his abdomen and to his erection.

He remembers WWX's mouth, the wetness of his tongue, the curl of his smile.

He remembers how softly WWX would kiss at first, and how that kiss would deepen, WWX sucking on his bottom lip.

He remembers how WWX once had him in this exact position, his cock rubbing against LWJ's entrance.

WWX, moaning loudly in his ear. WWX's beautiful mouth slackened in pleasure, drool running down his chin. WWX, with his taut abdomen and even tauter ass.

LWJ thinks of all of this, thrusting into his hands, his long guqin player's fingers stroking his throbbing self.

And when he comes, he bites onto anything--sometimes a pillow, sometimes his own forearm--to muffle the sounds of his moans. And almost always, that name escapes his mouth.

LWJ has a great memory, but there are days when he has a hard time calling up the image of WWX. The silhouette, the hair, the laughter, the mouth will come to him in bits and pieces, but there are days when he wants to collapse and cry.

1 year becomes 5. 5 become 10.

In most aspects of his life, he feels full. He has hobbies, tasks that give him a sense of purpose. He has Sizhui's education to look after. He loves teaching.

But in this one aspect, this one that seems to rise at night, he allows himself the time to think of WWX.

So when 10 years become 13, he has his routine down.

And then--who should come back but WWX. Looking different now, but animated in the same way, talking like he has always talked, laughing as he's often laughed.

It is his soul that LWJ has missed.

And after Guanyin Temple, after apprehending the culprit, after parting ways with A-Yuan and Wen Ning on that small road, after touching each other, they lie in the grass.

WWX strokes LWJ's hair, a smile of contentment on his face. "Lan Zhan, I missed this."

"Mn," LWJ says, agreeing, his heart warm and aching at the same time. "If only you knew."

WWX squeezes him, knowing his implication. "I am glad we did it long ago. I thought you wanted to help me only, because...we were going through so much back then. *I* was not stable."

LWJ raises his head and shakes it. He peers straight into WWX's eyes. "No. I wanted to."

WWX strokes his cheek. "Good. Me too."

LWJ lies back down, nuzzling into WWX's neck. WWX's fingers roam down to trace LWJ's scars. "I'm sorry for these."

He sits up, serious now, and LWJ follows suit, questions in his amber eyes.

"Lan Zhan, I know we don't apologize to each other, but. One last one. I'm sorry for those scars."

LWJ shakes his head again. "Don't be."

WWX knows there's no fighting him on this.

So instead, he moves around behind LWJ and moves his long, elegant hair out of the way. He kisses LWJ's shoulders, and says, "Then I'll give each scar a new memory."

He kisses each one. 33 kisses.

And then moves to LWJ's mouth for a 34th.

Months later, they find themselves in Yunmeng. They are simply passing through for a conference, and then it's back to Gusu for a lecture series.

They sit on the docks and watch the boats float by.

Bathed in sunlight, WWX asks, "Lan Zhan, what was your secret?"

"Hm?"

"The secret you traced on my back in the Burial Mounds. Years ago."

"Oh." LWJ is slightly embarrassed. "I told it to you before."

"When?"

It's not a happy memory. His frown says it all, and WWX frowns, and squeezes his husband's hand. "I don't remember any of that night."

"I know." LWJ gives him a small smile, one that only a few ever receive. It's one of quiet affection. "It's not a secret anymore. I hope not, at least."

"Eh?" WWX cocks an eyebrow. He lays one leg atop LWJ's, which dangle off the side of the dock.

LWJ comes close.

"You are my talisman, too," he says. "And I love you."

WWX's smile spreads from ear to ear, his nose scrunches, "Lan Zhan!" He hides his face, flinging arms around his husband. "After a year of marriage, you're still so powerful!"

LWJ laughs quietly against his neck.

When he pulls away, he looks at WWX's face, bathed in Yunmeng sunlight, his spiritual energy much stronger than before. Birds sing in the distance, and WWX hums happily.

LWJ leans in to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "In return for the kiss you gave me at Phoenix Mountain," he explains.

"You kept your promise," WWX says, resting his cheek on LWJ's shoulder, their bodies fulfilling promises made long ago, and making new memories.

//The end! Thank you for following and being here for tenderhornee! If there's interest, I'll adapt this into a fuller ao3 fic.

Start from the top! https://twitter.com/flowerofgusu/status/1318434871476326400?s=20

And if you want and can, support this tired grad student with a LOT of Wangxian WIPs coming your way! https://ko-fi.com/flowerofgusu