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ok so today I had a really great conversation with a friend about a polarizing-ish thread that claimed a preference among queer men, gay men in particular, for 'twinks' is problematic for reasons I won't go into bc that's not the point here. but that got me thinking. (1/n)
I thought about my own experience in the gay "community" and what things I'm unimpressed with. There are dozens, but here I will talk a bit about what I've seen termed many things, including "body fascism". Interesting term I know, but it's a thing, just ask Ms. Google.
The usage of "tribes" (do we need to talk about why that word choice is a problem? surely you know why) on Grindr is one of the most literal applications of archetypes based upon body types. Bear, twink, otter, etc can be indicated right on your profile.
Circling back to the term "body fascism", it's defined as prejudice or discrimination on the basis of body type. The thing about those "tribes" is that there are tacit requirements as to to who counts as which one. "You're not a twink! More of a twunk" or something like that.
When there are rules governing inclusion, they are also, necessarily, rules governing exclusion. So once a preference is indicated for a group (I'm gonna stop saying "tribe" now, I have a headache) suddenly there is something you're looking for and something you aren't.
Here is where I say I recognize sexuality is a very personal thing with a physical component, for most people. So to expect some kind of tendencies with whom you invite into that wildly vulnerable space, is fair. I would counter that the framing of "tendencies" rather than
"preferences" is better as the former implies interrogation and analysis of your own biases and the latter implies you go out with your blinders on.
So while tendencies or patterns are normal, the tropes and archetypes are very contrived. If you focus on bagging a "bear" then
So while tendencies or patterns are normal, the tropes and archetypes are very contrived. If you focus on bagging a "bear" then
you run the risk of being more interested in the idea of what you're after than the actual person in front of your face. Like what you like, but the body tropes are reductive, discretizing what should be a spectrum, and harmful, emphasizing rules and conformity, imo.
And finally, what happens when you break your neck trying to fit into one of those boxes? The dedicated horndogs of Grindr are gonna ask you which one describes you and you want to have an answer! Well, it's the same issue in reverse.
Chasing an archetype emphasizes fitting a mold. Sure you feel some sense of belonging when you fit neatly into your body box. Is that where we want our sense of community to be derived from? Is it really? The whole notion of what you're "into" reminds me of a sex salad bar.
You pick from predetermined options and assemble this perfect little profile that is supposed to tell everyone everything they need to know. (Really? Right in front of my salad?) But that's not how people work. I have been unimpressed by our inability to accept people
for exactly who they are, which is ironic because that's so often exactly what we want of everyone else. And here is my second disclaimer: I don't give a shit what you want yourself to look like, go for it as long as it's healthy.
I'm just saying, go for liking what you see when you look in the mirror, worry less about what boxes you check or what that one dude 495 feet away who has been eyeing your profile is gonna think about your perfectly-manscaped-lean-yet-muscled-but-not-too-muscled otter form.
