A Saga of Snakes:

Anyone who knows me already knows, I've been dealing with a lot of rattlesnakes this year ( #thanksnothanks2020)

It started with a rattle and a hiss when I walked out my backyard and startled a nice 4-footer just chilling on the footpath

It jumped. I jumped. My heart jumped.

Fortunately this snake eventually left, much like my soul when I came face to face with its fangs.

Not TWO nights later, we had ANOTHER encounter. This time it was my partner who was walking in the yard at night and sighted TWO rattlesnakes in the yard. AT NIGHT. ACTIVELY HUNTING.

Which was worse than 1st snake cuz a) there were TWO THIS TIME b) it was at night SO HARD TO SEE

So yeah. I was jumpy like crazy for the next few weeks after that.

And when I mean jumpy, I mean literally jumping every time I saw a STICK.

Eventually things calmed down a bit, but I still had an eerie feeling every time I went into the backyard.

Cue another heatwave about 3 weeks after First Snake Encounter and sometime around midnight on another warm night I had the oddest premonition.

I texted my partner and warned him to lookout for snakes.

LO AND BEHOLD, he went out and BOOM. Saw another snake.

This one was SMALL. A baby really. Which, again, is WORSE because the babies are the ones that panic and bite with full venom force.

At this point we were both done and immediately started making plans to keep these snakes out of our yard (we have young children and a dog. None of these go well with rattlesnakes)

The best solution: small gauge fencing.

But before fencing could begin, we had to get supplies and guess what happened during that interim?

(if you guessed that ANOTHER snake showed up, GO AHEAD AND GIVE YOURSELF A SNAKE EMOJI )

This snake was Big which was better but also absolutely not better.

It had also taken shelter under the shed that functions as partner's office (he has been WFH for over 10 yrs)

So we call Animal Control.

Animal Control was awesome.

Dude just rolled up in his truck: Where snake?

Partner shows him: Here.

Dude: Yep. That's a snake. Got something to rake him with?

Partner shows AC Dude rake: Right here.

Together they managed to get Snake out from under the shed and into Animal Control's very professional container specifically used to contain deadly reptiles, AKA a plastic bucket with a lid.

AC dude then peaces out, driving his truck into the California sunset.

A few days later, fencing supplies arrived.

Partner spends whatever time he can spare on Operation Snake Proof.

The first step is, of course, to seal the damned shed because rattlesnakes have clearly taken a shine to the place.

Fortunately shed isn't big and he gets it done in a day. The next few days are spent on the rest of the yard perimeter and he makes good progress.

Roll a few weeks later and partner was going to his shed AND GUESS WHAT HE FOUND?!!?!

ANOTHER F!?!-ING RATTLESNAKE.

AND IT IS BEHIND THE MESH UNDER THE SHED.

WHICH MEANS THAT RATTLESNAKE MUST HAVE BEEN IN THERE WHEN HE WAS SEALING IT.

*faint*

The only silver lining out of all this is the fact that we now have definitive proof that the fencing can, in fact, contain rattlesnakes.

An unfortunate side effect is that we now have a rattlesnake living under partner's shed.

I say living, but really, the thing is dying an incredibly slow death since the mesh is so tight, there is no way for any of its prey to squeeze its way in. We're not about to leave a hole so it can roam free in our almost-snake-proof yard either.

(BTW, I should mention that partner decided to name this snake Rambo. So yeah. Rambo the Rattlesnake is now taking shelter from us under the shed)

Also, partner being partner, often completely forgets about Rambo for long stretches of time. As a result, it took him a while to call Animal Control to come rescue Rambo from the shed.

(Look, we don't like snakes but we don't want the thing to starve to death either)

We were both hopeful we would get AC Dude from before again.

No such luck.

Even worse, AC Dude 2 is actually NERVOUS about Operation Snake Extraction.

This is not a good thing.

Nevertheless, AC Dude 2 decides to prevail. Partner pries a section of fencing open and together they try to rake Rambo out of the shed.

ONLY TO HAVE AC DUDE 2 MISS WHEN SHE WENT TO GRAB RAMBO.

Rambo, being f-ing Rambo, musters just enough energy to dart back under the shed.

AC Dude 2: Oh well. I guess just leave the hole open so Rambo can leave of his own accord.

Me and Partner: No. Literally the worst idea.

So guess where Rambo is now?

So yeah. I guess this is the story of how we involuntarily acquired a rattlesnake named Rambo living under our shed.

Also, please come back AC Dude 1. I have a small, slinky friend who would very much like to go in your bucket.

/end thread