I am posting this to be transparent, because that’s who I am. I don’t like hiding my vulnerability and truth from you and the truth is: I am taking my laptop to the pawn shop because it’s the only option I have right now. It probably won’t be enough anyway.

Our mask business is the only thing keep us going right now, but it’s barely going. Most of what we make has to be reinvested in fabric, envelopes, shipping, thread, etc. my mom is the only seamstress. I do all website, graphics, and customer service. It’s not enough.

My mom has been considering risking delivering UberEats (despite being 63, asthmatic, high risk for the virus) but she can’t do that until we can come up with $350 for car tabs and even then we need to fix insurance because we’ve been so swamped she didn’t even realize we lapsed.

The insurance company won’t reinstate my mom’s car/rejected her for a new policy despite the fact she’s been with them for 8 to 10 years because she missed two months payments. So now we have to find a new insurance provider and the lowest new quote we got was $700 down payment.

Our phone bill expires today, the internet in five days, I woke up to two late payment reminders on CCs I used to stop the bleeding. CCs I had mostly paid off before the virus hit. I have to do what I can to help my family and right now that means prioritizing them.

My writing, even if I could sell something soon, wouldn’t patch these holes for several several months at the minimum. My YouTube channel was demonetized for inactivity. I simply do not have time to pursue creative exploits over immediate financial help for my family.

Friend suggested another fundraiser, but what am I supposed to say? “Despite you helping me every winter since 2016, I’m no better off and still yet to accomplish anything?” I don’t feel like I have any social capital left and it is humiliating and exhausting to beg for humanity.

I can still write on my phone (and I will, because I can’t not write) but this is where I am. I pawned my camera last week, it barely made a dent. This probably won’t help much either. But it’s what I can do right now, so I will do it. I have to prioritize my family.

Wanted to share this to share where I’m at if I seem a bit more dejected/frustrated than normal. I still have a tiny bit of faith that maybe someday this won’t be my normal, but if you are doing better please don’t take that for granted. I know this is a lot of people right now.

People keep suggesting a GFM, but we do still currently have shelter and haven’t lost anyone to the virus, so we don’t want to distract from fundraising for people suffering worse. If you want, we have a donation options on http://lauriemakesmasks.com  and http://lilymeade.com/donate .