That's one thing about chronic illness. You get used to feeling bad. Your default becomes feeling bad. It doesn't make it less painful or uncomfortable. But. It doesn't feel strange after a while. Just... how things are.

Tired as fuck of existence being a fight.

I'm already depressed. Now, I'm depressed, sick for the rest of my life, and living in a pandemic that seems to be endless, and losing my job years early because of an incompetent president. I would like to die tbh.

And you can't really fault me.

I never feel good. Ever. When I could go to the gym, I'd at least feel accomplished. Sometimes I liked it because it was pain and discomfort that made sense. That had a reason and a dope result.

I don't even have that anymore. Ans I thought about getting machinery for my apartment but I just don't have the space and I need what is left of my home after converting to remote work to just be HOME.

So like... I ALWAYS feel bad. Always. Physically. And even on antidepressants, I still don't feel GOOD emotionally. I'm usually just numb/feel no positives or negatives (which I truly prefer because y'all 'member.)

Iono. I'd rather just not exist, honestly. But. Whatever. Nobody cares.