That& #39;s one thing about chronic illness. You get used to feeling bad. Your default becomes feeling bad. It doesn& #39;t make it less painful or uncomfortable. But. It doesn& #39;t feel strange after a while. Just... how things are.
Tired as fuck of existence being a fight.
I& #39;m already depressed. Now, I& #39;m depressed, sick for the rest of my life, and living in a pandemic that seems to be endless, and losing my job years early because of an incompetent president. I would like to die tbh.
And you can& #39;t really fault me.
I never feel good. Ever. When I could go to the gym, I& #39;d at least feel accomplished. Sometimes I liked it because it was pain and discomfort that made sense. That had a reason and a dope result.
I don& #39;t even have that anymore. Ans I thought about getting machinery for my apartment but I just don& #39;t have the space and I need what is left of my home after converting to remote work to just be HOME.
So like... I ALWAYS feel bad. Always. Physically. And even on antidepressants, I still don& #39;t feel GOOD emotionally. I& #39;m usually just numb/feel no positives or negatives (which I truly prefer because y& #39;all & #39;member.)
Iono. I& #39;d rather just not exist, honestly. But. Whatever. Nobody cares.