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Just when you thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse: a thread in which I rate the spookiness of this year's Halloween-themed products
CADBURY “SKELETON” FINGERS
If Cadbury were being logical about constitutes a “skeleton” chocolate finger they would have simply sold a box of plain tubular biscuits, minus the chocolate “skin” of a Jan-Sept/Nov-Dec chocolate finger
/5
If Cadbury were being logical about constitutes a “skeleton” chocolate finger they would have simply sold a box of plain tubular biscuits, minus the chocolate “skin” of a Jan-Sept/Nov-Dec chocolate finger
/5
M&S VAMPIRE FANGS
“Freshly extracted and extra cheesy”. Why? Is this a reference to vampires’ proclivity for puns? “Not for suckers”? Aren’t they… exactly for suckers? They literally came from suckers? Don’t let these questions distract you: these are Wotsits/5
“Freshly extracted and extra cheesy”. Why? Is this a reference to vampires’ proclivity for puns? “Not for suckers”? Aren’t they… exactly for suckers? They literally came from suckers? Don’t let these questions distract you: these are Wotsits
/5
HARIBO TRICK OR TREAT
Frogs! Spiders! Bats! Pumpkins! All made from the boiled up bones of a pig! Truly terrifying. Mostly because of the ethical ramifications of me buying these despite being vegetarian, then not eating them, and thereby letting a pig die in vain/5
Frogs! Spiders! Bats! Pumpkins! All made from the boiled up bones of a pig! Truly terrifying. Mostly because of the ethical ramifications of me buying these despite being vegetarian, then not eating them, and thereby letting a pig die in vain
/5
SPOOKY CHOC TOFFEE BATS
These are supposed to be bats, but the only thing they bear a passing resemblance to is number 3 on the Bristol stool chart/5
These are supposed to be bats, but the only thing they bear a passing resemblance to is number 3 on the Bristol stool chart
/5
SCREAM (SPOOKY SOREEN)
Look at the pun all you like, it’s never going to work. There is no way to pronounce it that produces the desired effect. They do this every year. I’m pulling out my fucking hair. Jesus./5
Look at the pun all you like, it’s never going to work. There is no way to pronounce it that produces the desired effect. They do this every year. I’m pulling out my fucking hair. Jesus.
/5
CADBURY GOO HEADS (CREME EGGS)
I'm sorry to say I fell into a deep depression upon cutting this open. IF YOU’RE SAYING SOMETHING IS SOMEONE’S SKULL AT LEAST MAKE THE INSIDE RED AND BLOODY!!! AFTER EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED THIS YEAR YOU’D PLAY US LIKE THIS, CADBURY??/5
I'm sorry to say I fell into a deep depression upon cutting this open. IF YOU’RE SAYING SOMETHING IS SOMEONE’S SKULL AT LEAST MAKE THE INSIDE RED AND BLOODY!!! AFTER EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED THIS YEAR YOU’D PLAY US LIKE THIS, CADBURY??
/5
M&S DRACULA’S BLOOD
Ok. So is this blood FROM Dracula? As opposed to blood that he’s drinking? It doesn’t really make sense, but I suppose you’re going to tell me that M&S can't call a juice for children “human blood” so I'll give it/5
Ok. So is this blood FROM Dracula? As opposed to blood that he’s drinking? It doesn’t really make sense, but I suppose you’re going to tell me that M&S can't call a juice for children “human blood” so I'll give it
/5
WAITROSE HALLOWEEN ROSES
Roses represent romantic love and there’s nothing scarier than that/5
Roses represent romantic love and there’s nothing scarier than that
/5
MR KIPLING FIENDISH FANCIES
Mr Kipling expects us to believe that the mere suggestion of orange and black stripes warrants the label “fiendish”. It’s not spooky and, frankly, it’s patronising/5
Mr Kipling expects us to believe that the mere suggestion of orange and black stripes warrants the label “fiendish”. It’s not spooky and, frankly, it’s patronising
/5
MORRISONS SKELETON STACK
You almost have to admire the audacity of rebranding Jenga, one of the world’s most famous games, as a spine and/or ribcage. Almost. I’m so tired/5
You almost have to admire the audacity of rebranding Jenga, one of the world’s most famous games, as a spine and/or ribcage. Almost. I’m so tired
/5
MORRISONS SPIDER BISCUIT
This guy wears a hat apparently made from the same flesh as his own legs. That’s not just spooky, that’s metal as hell/5
This guy wears a hat apparently made from the same flesh as his own legs. That’s not just spooky, that’s metal as hell
/5
CADBURY MINI ROLLS
Even by the rock-bottom standards of spooky products, this is low-effort: no halloween change whatsoever to the appearance or taste. I see they've even put "with spooky personality" in inverted commas, presumably to get around trading standards. Disgusting/5
Even by the rock-bottom standards of spooky products, this is low-effort: no halloween change whatsoever to the appearance or taste. I see they've even put "with spooky personality" in inverted commas, presumably to get around trading standards. Disgusting
/5
PERCY PIG GETS SPOOKY
Percy is wearing a mask in the illustration & from the inclusion of regular percys we can only assume that the green/orange sweets are his masks. But if Percy can dress up, and play, does that not suggest he is sentient? Truly messed up/5
Percy is wearing a mask in the illustration & from the inclusion of regular percys we can only assume that the green/orange sweets are his masks. But if Percy can dress up, and play, does that not suggest he is sentient? Truly messed up
/5
