I’ve been told many times that I “parent too much” or “too hard,” but then they’re wondering how our children think the way they do, operate how they do...

It was all that “doing too much” you said I do. My parenting isn’t perfect by a long shot, but we’re doing A LOT well.

The first step:

Acknowledge that your children are human beings with rights and voices that should be cultivated, respected, and heard.

They’re not your property.

Interrogate why you think your child disagreeing with you is disrespect or why them even saying something in response to you is disrespect.

The root is almost always in not believing children should speak or question. It’s authoritarianism...teeters on dictatorship in the home.

Ask yourself how your children will ever learn to reason, make decisions, or understand natural consequences if they are never given the opportunities at home (and school) to engage in discussions, debates/structured argumentation, or make decisions for themselves.

Ask yourself how they will learn empathy if their parents aren’t consistently teaching it through words and actions themselves. If you’re never apologizing and owning where you mess up, never identifying their mood and asking how you can help, never valuing their rights or voice

If you never respect their autonomy even while creating boundaries for their safety and EXPLAINING why/how those boundaries keep them safe, how do you expect them to learn to respect other people’s autonomy and privacy etc.?

Spend some time to exploring how your children to grow into who they are as people if they’re policed in the home, at school, and in the world. Where is their safe place? Where is their sanctuary if you’re treating them like cops and racist teachers will? Why would they trust you

If you blow up every time they do something wrong or make a mistake, why would there be enough trust to come to you when they reeeeally need something? If your first response is cussing them out, hitting them, calling them stupid, why should they trust or confide in you?

It is A LOT to think about and practice every day of your life, especially while they’re 0-18, but your children deserve to be cherished and affirmed in their homes. Everyone focuses on being financially prepared for parenting, but you also need to be ready to grow emotionally.

You need to be ready to question yourself, to change, to admit where you’re messing up...

You’re not right just because you’re the parent, and your children deserve emotional maturity and vulnerability because they did not ask to be here. YOU chose to bring them here.