my least favorite part of the epistemic divorce and national paradigm divide is the extent to which im subject to surprise ideological purity tests, someone i dont speak with often will contact me and ask me something and then get mad when i answer them, the most cursed phenomena

i find this phenomenon interesting (aside from the fact that its thrust upon me unwillingly) because its so alien to me. if i ask someone a question about their view, its because i actually want to know their thoughts. but then i forget that other people are asking me to “check”

im not even talking about like crazy controversial stuff. im just constantly in this position where like, a relative will ask me something, ill kind of politely not answer, theyll push me for an answer, i tell them what i think, and then theyre mad. and im like, why did u ask me

its just so fascinating if ur interested in peoples worldviews because something [compels] them to do it. its wired into them in a way that fits in with their general view of life, and i dont have it, and they cant turn it off. they literally cant not do it. but why? many answers

so either i lie (cant anymore for theo-ethical reasons) or i dont answer, but that doesnt really work. so i look top down at all these relationships and they have this tarnish or weird tinge but i didnt do anything. i cant apologize because i didnt do anything. such a weird thing

i find getting “on the ground” insight into other peoples situations interesting in terms of the zeitgeist and thats mine. again im [not] talking about crazy third rail topics. just normal stuff. but all my relationships are like this, but i didnt do it. im “just standing there”.

so suddenly i look around and u have all these people where theres this weird stain on the relationship or u straight up dont talk or its just awkward but conversely i cant apologize because i didnt do anything. its a maddening thing that characterizes a large portion of my life

could go on. on the one hand i know some people know what this is like but on the other hand i think some people really dont. maybe the epistemic divorce doesnt cut through ur personal life. its really bad. its a lot wider and deeper than most people think. its not a meme. i wish

on the flip side (i tried this) if u take the route of not answering or lying then all of a sudden a few years go by and those people dont know u, how could they. so you just become a ghost in those portions of your life. is that worse? in some ways. jamie pull up the mask comic

like im cool [not] talking about certain things. i can accept that people irl have different views than me. maybe its a result of certain ideas i have. but they cant. im repeating myself but its so endlessly maddening to stare into it + try and untangle all the mechanisms at play