Sometimes I have days when I can't enjoy my success, skills, smarts, and talent. And I think I figured out why.

( a thread )

It took me a while to build my sense of self-validation, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm allowed to enjoy it. Here are my thoughts.

1/22

Today, I worked on some stuff and I pat myself on the back thinking, "Wow! You're onto something. Your writing got better. This is much more organized. There's so much value in this, and you leveled up your editing game."

But for some reason, I paused and said WAIT.

2/22

A voice said, "PLEASE. You're not that great. You're not Brené Brown, Oprah, or Michelle Obama. Chill out."

So I sat there for 5mins wondering where those thoughts came from.

It took me my entire 20's to learn that although it sounds like me, THAT voice wasn't mine.

3/22

YUP. That voice? We all have it.

It sounds like us but it isn't us.
So what is it?

It's TEMPORARY.

Stay with me!

Everyone wants to find their voice.

Growing up, we looked for role models, mentors, and idols to find out what a good voice sounds like.

4/22

At the time we were looking, we were impressionable & open to anything that blows our minds, OR--this is important--anything that SOUNDS LIKE IT HAS AUTHORITY.

Authority requires confidence.

So anyone who said anything confidently, would seem like they had authority.

5/22

FUN FACT

Our prefrontal cortex, responsible for critical thinking, isn't fully developed until we're 25.

So if you felt like a dumbass for being so easily influenced then, that's probably why.

IT'S LITERALLY NOT OUR FAULT for being so impressionable.

6/22

BUT it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to adjust what we know from that point on.

If you're 30 & unaccountable for your own actions, take a step back.

We have the tools to unlearn what we grew up with. I'm not talking about trauma though. That's more complex.

7/22

When I was younger, I was so eager for feedback from adults cause I really wanted to mature.

So when they'd say "lemme give you some advice", my ears perked up. I was was so eager.

It was only recently I learned a lot of what I was told was BS. They're just as clueless!

8/22

Before we form our own thoughts, we absorb the ones of others...temporarily.

So all this doubt we have about ourselves?

That's not really from us.

That was shoved into our minds because we were impressionable & looking.

Luckily, ANYTHING LEARNED can be UNLEARNED.

9/22

We form our values & thoughts on what we were taught growing up.

That includes the way we perceive ourselves.

In the Philippines, I noticed a lot of my artist students lack in self-validation coz they've been shamed for being more creative than critical.

10/22

And because we were told that so often in different stages of our lives, we then start to believe it as truth.

I don't know about you, but I started to believe that self-deprecation was the same as humility; when really, it was already false modesty.

11/22

I noticed in Filipino culture, that those who are articulate, smart, or talented--if they express any acknowledgement that they believe they are those things--they get shamed for it.

It's really a thing!

For some reason, humility is embracing worthlessness

12/22

Ya, the world is a shitty place for it to have people telling us self-confidence is arrogance.

But we have much more control over that than we think.

This is why I teach my students how to nurture self-validation & go against the idea that confidence is a threat.

13/22

Ppl are only threatened by what they don't understand.

Ppl who lack confidence, are fragile, and uninformed are threatened by the strong, confident, and wise.

To manage their misinformed fear, they try to tear the strong down.

All that tells us is, CRAB MENTALITY.

14/22

CRAB MENTALITY

The mentality that success can only be attained at the expense of others.

When caught, crabs in a bucket climb on each other to get out of captivity.

15/22

People who are detached from us don't understand the value of knowing one's self-worth, because they haven't started on that journey, or they're afraid to do so.

And that's none of our business.

What people think of us is none of our business.

16/22

So if what ppl think of us is none of our business, then THAT VOICE has no right to live in our minds rent-free!

Because it isn't ours!

We're so capable of forming our own thoughts about ourselves, but we gotta be kind to that process of unlearning our negative thoughts.

17/22

Our negative thoughts about ourselves have been there for a very long time, so it'll put up a fight and try to stay alive.

Please be kind & patient with yourself whenever these ideas return, because it took a long time and a series of experiences to learn it.

18/22

This means it'll take some time, plus new, mindful thoughts to unlearn it too.

The important thing is acknowledging that THAT VOICE DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU.

It was forced on you when you were impressionable and vulnerable, and it's not your fault.

19/22

Not too long ago, I felt so pathetic for even trying.

But I changed how I saw my failures to how Lewis from Meet the Robinsons approached all his failed experiments, "Welp! That didn't work. Noted. Onto the next trial!"

And that really built my sense of self-worth.

20/22

At the end of the day, you are not what your pain, insecurities, and failures did to you.

You're not what you were taught.

You are what you choose to become after all that.

And you can start at any time.

There's no deadline.

Your healing is within your capacity.

21/22

For more content about the arts, creativity, mental health, and insights about life, explore my linktree.

https://linktr.ee/mielabong 

Thanks for reading!
Toodles!

22/22

(END OF THREAD)