when u have a breakdown at 1am but work at 5am https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz"> sry feel free to unfollow me as I air out all my shit publicly (prob should include a TW for EDs lol)

I wish I didn’t think about food every waking moment of my life I wish I could deal with stress in other ways than stuffing my fuckin face

I wish I could commit to a healthy, reasonable diet for more than 23 hrs a day before binging 3 days worth of meals in the last hour

I wish I didn’t based my entire self confidence and image based on the number on the scale and I wish I didn’t spend hours a day calculating and recalculating weight loss plans only to break the plan within the same day

I wish I could go out and eat normally with people and not decline invitations, only to eat twice the amount I would’ve had I gone out, later when I’m by myself in private

I wish I’d stop myself before cramming all the shit in my mouth if I knew it was gonna come up later anyway

I wish I’d stop disappointing myself every fucking day

I wish I’d stop telling people who care about me that I have it under control n that I’m on a new, healthier lifestyle when that shit lasts two days and I’m back to binging and purging and starving and fucking hating myself

I wish I could focus on me and my own happiness and goals but all I think about is ?? Food?? All the fucking TIME AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT AND MYSELF and this is literally my entire life every fuckinf day and I don’t know how to get myself back??,,?????

idk what the point of this thread is I don’t rly want to talk to anyone about it atm I just wanted to put my thoughts into words n actually acknowledge it and make it real to myself how real my fuckin problem is and ?????