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The major problem I'm having with making a comeback as a fully-engaged writer is simply being able to give myself the mental health space I need when I don't really want to engage in further conversation about my positions on certain issues.
To be honest, a lot of my opinions do not align with liberals OR leftists. I can have leftist views on certain things and near-liberal/near-leftist opinions at other times. Fellow leftists may think that I'm not evolved enough on the issue.
However, to me, I think many leftists want resolutions without gradation and I think it's idiotic, TBH.
Voting is one such example of where I disagree. I think it's extremely important to vote. Some leftists I recently decided to unfollow disagree.
Voting is one such example of where I disagree. I think it's extremely important to vote. Some leftists I recently decided to unfollow disagree.
The discourse here is that we're not voting for anyone who'll make the changes we want to see. Unfortunately, the way the world and this government is set up at present won't bring about change without voting and supporting those who can (The Squad, for example).
Of course, I'd have to defend those positions and many may continue to berate me for not simply agreeing or taking in those points. It's not that I won't take in those points, but I don't think their points are coming from a place where they would start the motion of change.
I'm only a writer in the activism field, so all I can do is say what I think in hopes of finding people who agree with me, but we're also in a very tense year between the election, the resurgence of BLM, the rise of a Defund/Abolish The Police movement, and Miss Rona's rampage.
One false slight in my wording and I could be bashed to the high heavens by people who would have never seen my Twitter of only 73 followers (or my Facebook following of 13K).
...and that brings me back to the first part of this thread.
...and that brings me back to the first part of this thread.
Protecting my mental health has been important to me over the last 3 years and I'm in a much better place now than I was then. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in MONTHS, I haven't really felt depressed, and while I still feel lonely romantically, I don't feel alone generally.
I've been cleaning up my friends list on Facebook more to be rid of those who've barely made any strides in contacting me or checking in on me (even before COVID Era).
I've been removing people on Twitter who I think are a bit too naive for my tastes on the world.
I've been removing people on Twitter who I think are a bit too naive for my tastes on the world.
I don't know if I'll ever get to a place of calm on my Instagram because I thirst-follow like crazy, but I do tend to unfollow unpersonable people or toxic positivity people.
The point is that I'm giving myself forgiveness and I'm giving myself space to just be.
The point is that I'm giving myself forgiveness and I'm giving myself space to just be.
However, I also miss being able to write about topics that are important to me that people can relate to. My Facebook friends circle is not really the place to relay those messages, though I must admit that often see them as a "test run" on a topic of discussion.
When I started what is now known as Unduplicated (when it was known as The Dilemmas of Being Gay and Black) 5 years ago, I was inspired by listening to @ThisIsTheRead, the Ferguson protests, following @theLLAG, and being fired from a job where I was the only gay AND Black person.
Not just in the office, but at the entire company.
The job had so many microaggressions that I didn't see until I was let go and, looking back on it now, I wish I could have fought more in suing their asses. Instead, I channeled that energy into the creation of my Facebook page.
The job had so many microaggressions that I didn't see until I was let go and, looking back on it now, I wish I could have fought more in suing their asses. Instead, I channeled that energy into the creation of my Facebook page.
For a good year and a half, I put so much into that page. I had even attracted attention from those I was dragging within the first 3 months. I was riding pretty high.
By the spring of 2016, I felt what one of my best friends called "social justice fatigue."
By the spring of 2016, I felt what one of my best friends called "social justice fatigue."
I was barely a few months in before I was too busy with life-things, such as finding a new job since my seasonal job had ended a month before that hiatus and thinking about to celebrate my 30th birthday (I ended up going to Miami alone that year).
Additionally, I was putting my all into the page but never gave myself the space to just be. My mom was constantly concerned for me and we argued A LOT because I had been so taken by my strong sense of justice and thought she wouldn't understand (she didn't until recently).
November 2016 was particularly rough: the election, losing two people who I considered best friends, my stepfather passed away (though I was not fond of him at all), my job at the time was stressing me out, I was getting harassed by a stalker on Tumblr...
...and said stalker sent my job a post on my Tumblr where I was complaining about work and I had HR tell me to take the post down, even when I had never mentioned the job in my post (but I tagged the place in a completely separate post on Instagram).
I couldn't do it anymore.
I couldn't do it anymore.
By the time I returned the next year, I thought I could handle it and did great the first two months, but fell off into the spring and summer. In the fall of 2017, I once again couldn't handle the pressure and took another break.
This break lasted almost 2 years.
This break lasted almost 2 years.
In those two years, I had finally found a therapist to talk through my issues and "graduated" from her (I'm looking for a new therapist now to help through my self-esteem issues), had 4 different jobs until my most recent one (that I was let go from due to COVID),...
...and was sorting out my finances to potentially move out and into my own place (which didn't happen).
My return in May of last year lasted all of a month and a half before I decided that the rebranding of the page was way too ambitious for someone who fell off for 2 years.
My return in May of last year lasted all of a month and a half before I decided that the rebranding of the page was way too ambitious for someone who fell off for 2 years.
Then, this past year got rough starting with my mom's cancer diagnosis last August. Then, both of her parents passing away within a month of each other, then stress at my job, starting coding bootcamp and it going nowhere, losing my wallet, losing my job, catching COVID...
...celebrating my 34th birthday this year with no one but my mom for the first time in at least 15 years (still recovering from COVID).
Who has time to focus on writing?
Who has time to focus on writing?
As this year approaches its end and I find myself more and more desiring to write again, I've been weighing the pros and cons of making that return, how to brand it, and how to properly balance both talking about social justice topics but fun topics I'm interested in.
I want to talk about Anime, J-Pop, and gay sex (since I'm having it! LOL) more on the page to have a more light-hearted discussion. I also want to be able to share original thinkpieces and have a sort of "advice column." I have been DYING to start a podcast SINCE 2015.
