okay WHITE PEOPLE this one is for YOU! the number one way to be less racist, have more productive conversations about race, and stop getting constantly owned online is to work on getting rid of your white fragility. you can’t really learn anything until you do that

did you feel a tiny twinge of “hey! ” when i started my tweet with “WHITE PEOPLE”? that’s your white fragility. it’s that part that takes things personally, gets your feelings hurt, and makes discussions of race all about you. it’s the part that makes you defensive.

if you’ve ever seen a POC passionately speaking on their experience of racism and you felt a moment of “well i’m not like that!” or “that seems a little harsh,” that’s your white fragility speaking. and it’s centering your white feelings in a convo about racism. & that’s fucked.

i have ABSOLUTELY felt that myself in the past and i realized that part of me was gross and ego-centric and weak and i needed to kill it. any time you notice it rear its head in your brain, shut it down. remind yourself that this is NOT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

really think about it. what is a bigger issue? racism? or when your feelings get hurt for a moment? if you’re a halfway decent person you’ll say racism is the bigger issue so why are you acting like your hurt feelings are more important? why is that the focus of your attention?

now why is being defensive such a bad instinct? because it’s about you. you can’t really listen to someone when you’re thinking about yourself. you can’t really be open and learn when you’re centering yourself instead of the other person/the bigger issue.

your feelings simply are not as important as other people’s lives. POC should get to talk about their experiences without you making it about yourself. POC should be able to be fucking ANGRY without you making it about yourself.

i tweet the way i do - a little aggressively, but speaking in general instead of calling out individuals - bc this is what worked on me. reading things by POC that were challenging me. forcing me to investigate myself and fix the parts where i was letting POC down.

so i hope you read this in the spirit it was intended and really get me. i’m challenging you. i’m poking and prodding you. bc i want you to do that to yourself. i’m not trying to make you feel bad bc this isn’t about your feelings at all!!!

what do POC get by you feeling bad? what do they get from you assuring them you’re well intentioned? nothing. so it’s not about trying to make you feel bad, you feeling bad is irrelevant. what matters is what you DO.

you have to care more about not being racist than not being called racist. the impact of your actions is what matters, not your intentions. you should be happy to have your ego bruised if it means a learning opportunity that can make you a better person

i think a lot (most?) white people are more concerned about being called a racist than they are about doing something that hurts POC or upholds structural racism. when someone says you said/did something racist, you should care about fixing that, not your reputation or feelings

killing your white fragility is important for you to become a better person. but from a purely self-centered perspective, it’s also better for you. first of all you won’t walk around humiliating yourself all the time, but you also won’t have hurt feelings all the time

working on your ego is maybe the most important thing you can do for your own happiness and peace. imagine not taking things personally and feeling a need to defend yourself all the time and instead being able to work with people to actually make the world a better place