#uglydogs #TheRedLantern

The game starts off with one of the hardest tasks you could possibly do, which is adopting sled dogs without knowing what other sled dogs are available.

So obviously... I adopted the first four dogs I met.

I guess everyone starts off with Chomper.

As far as I can tell, his job is to eat and develop a prey drive.

Driving in a VW down some unnamed Alaska highway puts us at mile 32. I'm going to imagine this puts us somewhere vaguely north of Willow. (it does not)

All dogs are valid in the eyes of Lent, and this is where we meet Bodega.

Bodega has eaten probably as many things as Bodega has seen with split color eyes.

Of course we adopt Bodega. We need wheel dogs.

FARK why can't I look and walk around each kennel and just take them all

Next we meet Noodle. After Kristie says we can't just adopt the first dog we meet at every stop. Because the dog is named Noodle.

NOODLE HOLDS THE WISDOM AND INTELLEGENCE OF THE CANINE SAGES AND CURLS UP IN THE NEATEST LITTLE BALL

get in the van Noodle, we're going to go do crimes.

(why can I ignore the road so much while driving)

The next dog stands on the dog house, majestic af. Piercing blue eyes that burn into your soul, leaving you questioning your own worthiness. Grace that only accompanies age. Constant and vigilant tactical awareness.

Come aboard Admiral Stilton.

There's a cold quiet as we reach the next dog.
The house appears empty... No dog under, in, or on top.

That's because it's Igloo, mf.

Ziggy Mc Iggy over here, going 110% survival skills over here.

Get. In. The. Car.

We just adopted the first dog we saw at each stop.
BECAUSE ALL DOGS ARE VALID.

(I would pay $5 for dlc that allows me to build a FULL IDITAROD TEAM hint hint)

So yeah. I'll tell you right now, that the game has some very interesting mechanics. You will fail your first run. You will fail a few after that.

But we're perfectly adjusted adults who turned off the dog dying bit in the options before we even started.

The first run didn't go so well, but that's because I'm used to being around all sorts of mushers and they have me believe that you can just do things without sleep or eating.

I mean, as long as you take care of the dogs you can just sleep on the sle... oh. no. you can't in this game. ok. we've learned things.

This is were the game gets a little more rogue like and real time strategy-ish with the runs. Your character LEARNS and PREPARES from what your last run did.

Annnnd the ARTWORK is gorgeous

You will see the milky way and auroras.

You will meet and kill interesting wildlife.
Or save it.

but let me tell you about our GOAT: IGGY STARDUST

As our fellowship started searching for a place to eat and rest, out of the blue nature's AT-AT comes charging against the doggos... The musk ox.

There's some panic yelling and screaming in the house between @Kristieinaction and me. I'm trying to shoot the thing but the dogs are in the way and it's running around.

The dogs aren't supposed to die, bront.

Igloo puffs up, uses the sled for a ramp with a running jump and TAKES DOWN THE OX.

OH YEAH

OH NO

THE OX IS NOW BACK UP AND STARING ME DOWN, DEATH IS NOW ONLY ON IT'S MIND AND THERE ISN'T AN OPTION FOR THAT TO BE TURNED OFF IN THE MENU IS THERE

but a quick gun shot later and the ox is down for the count and we've got fresh meat.

Then we all realize

No dog death doesn't mean no dog injury.

Igloo, you my ride or not die. Get in the sled. We going to use that last medpack, doctor you all right and shiny you hear me. Going to sleep warm right next to the fire and we'll all sleep this off.

I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

Then I let Not Colbert / Chomper catch and eat a squirrel whole

and watched some lights.

The takeaway here is that if you're looking for Dog Mushing Simulator 2020, you're not going to find it.

It's a really beautiful game that's more about the story line that takes place behind the choices you make, where learning and planning actually matter

and figuring out if something is for you, even if you make a bunch of tries to be successful without immediate result.