You know, I want to talk about creativity and something I personally struggle with: focus. Because, frankly, I think there's some common framing that's romanticized and not... really... how people work?

Er. Lemme unpack what I think is bullshit. Hold on.

I personally LOVE the idea of just Lose-Yourselfness into whatever it is. GO CHASE THAT PASSION. GO DO THE GODDAMN THING, POUR YOUR HEART INTO IT, AND *DO IT*.

Let is sustain you.
Run on that.

You see this in stories of Mathematicians who like, live and breathe their one proof for six years. Who cannot think about anything else.
(Okay maybe I'm the one person who knows lots of those stories).

Or the person who like, toils away on their opus for a decade.

Let's set aside the various related mythologizing problems like 1) starving artists, or 2) that perfection comes out of nowhere, because neither of those things are true, and also because I want to focus instead on that general idea that people have to go all in on one thing.

Because truthfully?
It's *still* hard for me to accept that that's... just... not how I'm wired?

And honestly I don't think that's how MOST people are.

See here's the thing: I've BEEN that person. In high school I was a lil debate zealot who lived and breathed high school debate every single day for four years.

Like literally the season ended and the next Monday I looked up the next topic, headed to the library, and started.

For a long time I lamented that I never had that sort of 10000% focus like I had in high school again. And then I'd get self conscious because like why am I not just shot-gunning fantasy novels and working on the next book and the next book or or or or or

~Some~ of this does come from my cyclothymia. If you don't know what it is, it's basically minor bi-polar? pre-meds every few months I'd have two weeks of upper moods WHEEEE DO *ALL THE THINGS* followed by two weeks of a depressive episode.

Boy them upper moods.

So like. My brain chemistry every few months would catapult me off on a frenetic chain of ideas that I would get completely (and unhealthily) engrossed in for like two weeks.

But it was a new thing every few months. I pinwheeled to a LOT of things.

And for a long time I was like "THAT is the flow state I'm after WHY CAN'T I GET THERE ALL THE TIME? I jut want that ONE THING that will sustain me."

And THAT, right there, is the myth I'm trying to poke holes in: that there *is* 1 mythical thing that will sustain us.

I don't think there ~is~ just one mythical thing that will sustain people.

Or, at the very least, I know I cannot be sustained by just one thing and boy howdy it is still hard for me to accept that.

So let me keep it personal and avoid more anecdotal generalizations.

For me anyway, I love *creating* and I love *making* things. I also love *learning* things, which is why I like making NEW things.

Videos? Whee! Graphic design? Suh-weet. Books? Yeesssss.

Fundamentally though, when something becomes WORK, it takes a ton of mental energy. And at some point I need to do something else that ISN'T work so I'll... start something else.

And right, just like with hustle culture, there's similarly this notion that 1) you must find the ONE THING that supports you, and 2) you must WORK AT IT AND WANT IT ALLLL and that also, implicitly, you can't do something and just be okay at it?

Like, I enjoy painting. I'm terrible at it, I don't do it often. Honestly, I don't ever plan on putting in the time to get good at it.

And yet. Part of my brain is like, if I ever am screwing around with it, just wanting to go ALRIGHT THIS IS *IT*I DO THE THING.

And you know. Whenever I try anything knew, it gets exhausting to have the same conversation with myself AGAIN:

Look it's OKAY to just do this thing because it's fun.
It's OKAY to just do this thing and just be bad at it?

Moreover, yes, it IS in fact, okay, to be spending time doing ____ when I'm not actually working on __DRIVING PASSION__.

In fact, __DRIVING PASSION__ does NOT need to consume literally my whole free time.

I guess really the point of all of this thread is, at the very least, a reminder for myself:

It's OKAY to not be all consumed by one thing.
I *don't* write all the time. And that doesn't mean I like writing any less or care about it less.

It's OKAY to write books, play board games, make videos, learn graphic design, play with game design, just screw around with painting shit just because.

Just.
Because.