Moderator: ok dogs. I want a polite debate. No jumping on each other, no biting the podium. You each will get a question to answer and then some back and forth. At the end I will declare you both good dogs are you both get treats.
Beaks: AGREE
Bunsen: Yeppers
#DebateTonight

Question #1
Moderator: Some people are saying that the shoes in the house are being chewed. Some people are saying they are being chewed by a candidate here tonight. Some people are saying it’s Beaker. Some people are me.
Beaker you have time now to respond.

IT CANT BE ME IM TOO CUTE.
CASE CLOSED
GAME, BEAKER
MATCH POINT
GAME SET MATCH
END OF GAME

Moderator:
That’s very convincing and I’m inclined to believe her. She’s IS SO CUTE. OK I think we can call the debate right now.

Bunsen:
Um are you kidding me. She’s literally eating a shoe right now.
Right this second.
Like. She just finished speaking and started chewing a shoe!
I request that it be noted Beaker is a chew chewer!!!
#debate

Beaker:
REBUTTAL: I AM WEARING A HAT
#gameover
#debates

Moderator: a brilliant comeback. I think we can all agree that Beaker is adorable AND also chews shoes.

Both:

YEPPERS. IM SORRY I ATE THE SHOES AND THAT CHAIR

Agreed! She is so super cute. I love her.

Moderator:
Question 2
FUReign policy.
What can you both say to our household about your abilities to protect the farm from dangers in the fields and forests.

I AM A NINJA. I CAN HEAR AND SEE AND SMELL BETTER THAN BUNSEN. I CAN HIDE AND STALK AND BRING YOU GROUSE.

Moderator: Well that’s adorable and horrible.
Bunsen- what can you do?

Well I wasn’t selected to see and smell. I can protect our land from large threats. I can guide us through storms, blizzards and snow. I can haul alcohol ...ahem...hot chocolate for the humans to keep up their energy.
I am also fitted with Battle Armour.
#debates

YOU ALSO PROTECT ME!

Moderator:
Wait you are debating Beaker- not agreeing. Go back to your podium.
Ok. Let’s move on to Science.
What can you tell me about your stance on Science, Bunsen?

#science is real. It constantly works towards truths in our lives. Climate change is real, and we must come together to do something about it. COVID is real and dangerous. Wear a mask, listen to experts. Vaccines are safe and effective. Listen to scientists.
#debate

I AGREE.
WE NEED ALL THE SOLUTIONS FOR CLIMATE CHANGE. WIND SOLAR NUCLEAR AND SMART USE OF OIL. WE NEED PEOPLE IN POWER WHO LISTEN TO OUR EXPERTS.
UM. ALSO SCIENTISTS NEED EXTRA COOKIES
#science #Debate2020

Moderator: Look you are supposed to disagree, but honestly the vast consensus of experts in science agree with both of you.
Ok. Fourth Question.
Should we use CRISPR to genetically create an OCTOMOOSE?

Look genetic engineering through CRISPR could remove human suffering by gene editing specific genes for things like cystic fibrosis. It would be amazing. BUT once we start doing that, that’s a door we can no longer close. What could be next is unknown.
#science #Debate2020

Moderator: Why are you in a hat now?

I think I look cute!
#facts #Debates2020

HATS ARE CUTE!
BTW WE NEED TO MAKE OCTOMOOSE. MORE MOOSELEGS AND THINK OF WHAT WE COULD DO WITH MOOSESILK.
#debates #ethicsbedamned

Moderator: wait. You’re FOR making an abomination that will stalk Canadians in the winter and trap us in moosey nets only to devour us whole in hopes of getting more mooselegs to chew.

I’m convinced. Beaker we must make time in the lab later to peruse this morally and ethically ambiguous goal.
#science #Debate2020

Moderator:
Final question.
Some people are wondering who your favourite human is and why it is me.
Please respond.
#debates

Moderator: Audience weigh in for our candidates