In my life & instruction, I actively try to decenter whiteness. I'm still figuring out what this looks like/feels like as well as whether it's even possible from my white body.

Every so often, I get indicators that I might be on to something...

... the indicators are often unpleasant (to put it mildly).

They show up in the form of white fragility (DiAngelo), white emotionality (Matias), and white rage (Anderson).

Often from community members, but at times from students as well.

For young white people accustomed to being centered in curriculum, instruction, design, etc. I imagine it is disorienting when that's no longer the case.

That expression with roots I've been unable to find: for those accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like oppression.

So many of our students and families roll with it, embrace it, have been thankful for multiple perspectives... and then there are the other times.

Times like yesterday when hate speech shows up in your team zoom.

I've thought about that moment so many times over the past 24+ hours now.

I believe we did what we could. Shut it down, made time to process, tended to harm as best as we knew how.

What I wasn't ready for was the systemic response. The direct lean into carceral systems of punishment.

I kept thinking of @prisonculture today. Of the beautiful work she models & of how far away today felt from the possibilities I've been trying to imagine with our students.

I don't believe we can "police report" harm away.

I don't believe that "police report" and 12 year old (let alone any-year-old) belong in the same sentence.

I don't believe policing is the way forward.

The last two days have involved hate speech and police.

When I sat down with @lifelegeros to talk about antiracist interventions (which he beautifully detailed) it was with moments like yesterday in mind: https://tiie.w3.uvm.edu/blog/student-intervention/#.X5IajbcpCh8

I'm feeling sad & exhausted & a bit defeated.

Tomorrow I'll show up & try to keep dreaming, keep imagining, keep healing alongside our students.

I know I'm not alone & I'm so thankful for that.

Just had to get this all out of my head.