if you’ve been watching this season of #doğduğunevkaderindir or if you’ve heard about it, you know that the dynamic between zeynep and mehdi has raised the question of abuse, especially in romantic relationships. this is a thread with various thoughts and also some resources.

i wanted to gather in a thread some of mehdi’s behaviors i noticed in the last episode, as examples of the signs of abuse, but also sources of information around it, as i feel the first step to fighting abuse around us is knowing its signs.

source : the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://thehotline.org .

“Tactics abusive partners use to keep their victims in a relationship. The inside of the wheel is made up of subtle continual behaviors over time. Actions like depicted in the outer ring often reinforce the regular use of the more subtle methods found in the inner ring” - NDVH

personal note : the “be thankful you found a husband that doesn’t hit you or force himself on you” mentality is part of the problem.

also. if a person has a behavior different from one or some signs while still checking others : it can still be domestic abuse. don’t be fooled.

it’s valid to try to understand why abusers abuse, what leads a human to behave this way.

but what’s NOT OKAY is excusing it, giving the resons behind it as a valid excuse. NO.

nobody’s born like this. it’s something you choose to perpetrate, you choose to let it take over you.

“Domestic violence and abuse don’t take place because an abuser loses control over their behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence are a deliberate choice to gain control.” – http://helpguide.org 

recommendations from the UK National Health Service in case you’re worried a friend is being abused.

please note that, if you’re in a safe place & you feel like your friend is ready for it, some think it’s important to bring up the subject instead of waiting for them to do so.

offical links that helped me get informed. on there, you can get information and ways to get help.

NDVH ; easy to navigate and safe to exit : https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/ 

The Survivor’s Handbook ; very thorough : https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/

NHS article : https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

note : i realize these pages speak through a western paradigm (had to find links in english) & not necessarily in a universal way. but this was a good base for me.

don’t hesitate to research information specific to your own country and leave it below, including helpline numbers.

link to the Survivor’s Handbook by @womensaid in languages other than english, including turkish, arabic, spanish, greek and urdu. very detailed and important free resource

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/different-languages/

#doğduğunevkaderindir #fightlikezeynep #kadınaşiddetehayır

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