So, as October keeps rolling along, a lot of #adoptees are bracing for November. This year has had a lot going on and many of us (not adoption specific) are beyond any reasonable measure of stress. I am however, focusing on adoptees for this. A thread, probably.

I haven't said much recently. Not that I haven't had much to say... I have... but because I've nearly had too much to say about too many things, to a point of executive dysfunction. My regular skill of picking something apart to lay it plain has been rendered moot.

As will happen sometimes, aspects of adoption were shoved into the spotlight, and adoptees have been inundated with the same old things we hear constantly about our need for gratitude, The idea that we were saved, and the incorrect belief that adopters are *all* inherently good.

Adoptees that have, as always, argued back against this demand of being a square peg in the round hole, have been met with multiple levels of dismissal, sarcasm, and abuse.

I mentioned november at the beginning of this, and is what has prompted this thread. For those of you unaware, November is #naam, an entire month devoted to adoption. Adoptees have made a concerted effort for years to have this month be geared at awareness of our experiences.

November has often times been a test of our patience, our mental health, the core of who we are.

This year, I suspect, will be one of the worst NAAMs adoptees have seen in awhile.

I say this, because the attitudes, the demeanor, the flagrant disregard of the realities of adoption, family separation, race, and ethical and legal issues all within adoption has reached a fever pitch already... and we aren't even *there* yet.

It has, historically, brought out many of the worst takes on adoption already. It already gears itself towards ad quality, ignoring it's own flaws.

It already often says to "listen to adoptees" while engaging in actions counter to that listening.

I can't speak for anyone else. I wouldn't dare try. I speak for me though, when I say I'm tired of begging people to listen to me.

I'm tired of having to constantly prove and discuss and be a steady drumming calm in order to be taken seriously.

I'm tired of watching my adoptee friends be expected to justify their own experience by replaying their worst traumas, only to have people shrug it off and say their trauma is still beautiful.

There's never actually going to be a time that I stop talking about adoption, to be clear. I am not capable of setting that aside as a "done" conversation... because it isn't done.

I just know its tiresome to always have to repeat myself.

For every theoretical stride forward adoptees have been told happened, making our experiences irrelevant to adoption today... there's been ten examples this month alone of how it is no different than it always was, and the irrelevant stories are clearly still happening now.

So, to my adoptee friends. I am not here to suggest that you sit this one out at all. Perhaps in that way we are the same. You're not at a place where you're "done" because this isn't done yet.

I am going to say that if you feel like it's too much for you, you don't have anything to prove. You are not required to participate. You can be as done as you want to be. It is not a failure to put yourself first. The cause may be important but not at your own expense.

And for my #adoptee friends that are struggling with all of this, I get it. So I just want to remind you that your struggles are valid. You matter.

And finally, again, you owe nothing to adoption. You do not have to detail your trauma, or justify your life to anyone, least of all randos on the internet looking to disregard you and mock your feelings.

You are also not obligated to be polite to be acknowledged. You're not required to say things in a special order with a soothing voice to be taken seriously.

You don't have to continue one single solitary conversation for one single second longer than you'd like.

You don't have to engage anyone you don't want to... good faith or not.

Its *your* story. You control how it's shared, with whom, and to what degree.

And if someone doesn't appreciate the truth laid plain, that is not your problem. You didn't ask them for approval or permission, because you don't need it.

As always I will be around and I will aggressively support your right to your story and defend your right to tell it, on your own terms.

If you have the space to do so, I simply ask you do the same for others.

For the non adoptees that inevitably show up during naam ready with their own takes and their own story and an expectation of spotlight... I have none for you. If you're not redirecting onto adoptees, care leavers, and former foster youth... then you're wasting my time.

And preemptive reminder, if you're not the adoptee, you are not to share the adoptee's story. It's not yours. There is no "our story" there. You're taking something that doesn't belong to you. You're out of bounds, and I will be coming for you.

So, adoptee friends... prepare yourselves as best you can and make whatever choice is best for you this year. Focus on all of it, none of it, the personal, the global. You have no wrong way to participate... except to do so at the expense of your own well being.

If you dip a toe, and decide that it's actually a no at that point, then it's a no. That no is also an answer and the reason.

If you're all in and want out... you can. You are beholden to no one but yourself.

If you're not adopted and you're coming sideways at an adoptee because you've decided they are required to explain, they are obligated to help you, they have to justify themselves... no we don't, no we aren't, no we won't.

If you want to pitch a fit (that I have seen, live and in action before) about how we are supposed to talk to you and we are letting down your adoptee because we won't... or you wanted help but we are too mean... that's seriously not our problem.

And if you listen to one and only one adoptee.... you aren't listening to adoptees.

That's all I have for now. Support #citizenship4adoptees and continue to push #HR2731.