Okay weird one. Even from childhood, I've believed that I have an innate flaw. Even as a toddler, I believed, that life would never be happy, good or easy for me, because "I wasn't supposed to be here this way." I would tell the adults in my life this matter of factly.

I don't know how life energy works. All I know is that my entry into this plane of existence was disturbed and manipulated: So in my mind, whatever I do in this lifetime will always clash and be out of sync with reality. A fools errand to try to live someone else's life.

I've never thought it abnormal that I have been depressed my whole life and I have never expected it would get better, even with treatment. It is part of my lot in life, a birthmark. The punishment for humans manipulating a life, is that life being utterly impossible to live.