Read on Twitter
might delete later. I& #39;ve found myself checking to see if artists who I& #39;m pretty sure are mutuals still are whenever they show up in my TL. I think what spurred this fear is all the politics I retweet, total lack of art, but mostly my bad takes and mistakes
I& #39;ve found myself doing this an unhealthy amount, preparing myself for an emotional brick in the face to think and analyze myself to find what the straw that broke the camel& #39;s back was
most of the time I& #39;m shocked and surprised that, despite it all, they still follow me; they still like my tweets and stick around through thick and thin
there& #39;s been a few times that someone, who I& #39;m pretty sure was a mutual, no longer is. and I do find myself going down that dark spiral overanalyzing my tweet history and losing sleep. the thoughts don& #39;t go away when I know it likely wasn& #39;t personal
a few though, I know it was because of something hurtful I said. they don& #39;t owe me explanations, or their patience, and they don& #39;t have to tell me that it hurt them or stick around for me to apologize; but it& #39;s an awful feeling that& #39;s lingered in the back of my head for months
it might be easy to dismiss as "you can& #39;t let it bother you" but I& #39;m pretty sure this is bad-brain-stuff and it& #39;s hard to turn it off. or you might say "don& #39;t worry about a number" but these are people I respect and admire
