tw for suicidal ideation in the following thread
i don& #39;t talk about it a lot on here bc it& #39;s not exactly relevant to my brand of retweeting a lot of other people& #39;s art and crying about boku/aka but i was hospitalized last year bc i wanted to k/ill myself
if i remember correctly it was actually a year ago today and i still remember the moment where i knew i needed help. i was standing in the sick cat room at work and very clearly this thought came to me of how i could do it
and then just, this flood of thoughts after. like once that one brick had been removed the whole wall came tumbling down and it was like i couldn& #39;t stop having ideas of how to do it
i went to my boss crying and i said i have to go home, i can& #39;t stay
and like, how do you tell her what& #39;s happening? because there& #39;s just this anxiety spiral in your head and i remember sitting in her office and i couldn& #39;t speak past "i need to go home, i need to go home"
i called my wife in the car, and then my girlfriend, and we all showed up at the house. i don& #39;t really remember the drive home except i parked on the wrong side of the street from where the hosue is and for some reason i didn& #39;t turn around and park on teh right side
my family came and saw me while i was waiting to be admitted and i could barely look at them
they didn& #39;t even know what to say
i didn& #39;t know what to say
anyway i was in the hospital for a week and it was the longest week of my life and it didn& #39;t fix it, you know, like you don& #39;t just stop thinking about it
like there are stray thoughts even a year later when i& #39;m better medicated and have my life in much better shape
i don& #39;t know what teh point of this thread was. there& #39;s not really a moral to teh story here. i& #39;ll probably wake up and regret having put it up but like. i don& #39;t know. i can& #39;t stop thinking about it i guess.
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