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I& #39;m crying right now actually. My patient& #39;s daughter gave me 50 taka as sagun when I told her that her mother will be discharged today. She said "You are like my daughter" and gave me etti dherai blessings. I& #39;m just looking at that 50 taka right now and thinking about laminating.
At first I told her I can& #39;t take it but then she kept insisting to a point that it felt rude to say no anymore. And as soon as I exited the ward, I burst into tears. This feeling is overwhelming. I need to tweet it out but I am also lacking in words right now.
I had been watching the patient the whole day and night yesterday. During my evening break, turns out her blood pressure rose very high and although those who were on duty at the moment took care of it, when I returned at night, I found that her daughter was very frightened and
worried. She started crying before me, said her another family member was admitted at a cardiac care center and so she was the only person available to take care of her mother. And watching her mother like that was too much for her to handle and that everything was confusing.
I sat with her and counseled her that we are there and we are there to help her mother. They were planning for a discharge on today before that moment and she was scared that may not happen after last night& #39;s incident. I told her I& #39;ll do what I can. I reported to sir this morning
, we arranged for an urgent electrolyte test, and as the results were finally normal and the only problem was the blood pressure, sir changed the antihypertensive drugs and allowed the discharge. After the round, although my duty hours were over, I went to her and told her about
it and that she can go home once the paperwork is done. That is when she started crying again and blessing me. But this crying was different than last night& #39;s crying. And so I could not deny that 50 taka ko note anymore.
I didn& #39;t know I had it in me. I usually don& #39;t have the words to say when someone cries in front of me. Its so hard to find the right thing to say. But last night I watched her cry and it just came to me, the sitting down with her and not leaving until she was reassured. It wasn& #39;t
demanded of me and I could have just moved on to the next patient but it just didn& #39;t feel right to leave her that way. And I am glad I didn& #39;t leave her like that. Because she needed someone to help her through that moment, and it happened to be me. I feel blessed that it was me.
I always thought that this emotional, empathetic or ke bhanne, this side of me will make me weak and non-professional. But in the end its all about helping someone. And at the end of the day (10 am is end of my day aile), I came out with a lot of blessings and a this immense
feeling of being able to have an impact on someone& #39;s life in a good way. And I& #39;m going to laminate this 50 taka and keep it with me for the days I might lose sight of this feeling, this calling, or for when I question if its worth it. It will remind me, that yes, it is worth it.
I so want to talk about the book in this thread as well, but if I mention Paul Kalanithi one more time this week, his spirit might get hiccoughs.
