Hey Black Jewish fucking Twitter: I SAID WHAT THE FUCK I SAID AND I AIN’T DELETING SHIT. Kiss my ghetto abuse survivor ass.

Y’all niggas were raised by fucking whites and it shows. My white and Christian kindred showed me more support and validation to me than y’all ever have. They see me. Y’all fucking don’t.

My white Jewish friend clearly sees the misogynoir, and he ain’t even on Twitter! What the fuck is wrong with you so-called Black folks?

And yes—I told him the exact same shit I told y’all. I don’t lie about my behavior. If I fucked up and showed my ass, I WILL TELL YOU STRAIGHT UP.

I’m in fucking pain. This is how I process pain. I know I fucked up. I DO NOT NEED YOUR JUDGMENT.

We have established that YM Carrington is an enormous fuck-up. They are bad with impulse control, executive functioning, and boundaries. YES—I AM BAD WITH INTERPERSONAL BOUNDARIES. Fuck you all very much.

You try living with a mom you loved you beyond words but thought nothing of telling you that you were a birth control mistake. Who told you that she would send you to live with your drunk dad, and that she’d throw you down a hill, and that she wished she ABORTED YOU. That’s me.

A mother who busted her ass to feed you and get you to school and keep a roof over your head, but who had trouble expressing affection or validating your feelings. A mother who couldn’t regulate her own emotions so you learned how to (badly) regulate your emotions from her.

That was my life until I was 22. My mother was the only social justice community I had. She was my comrade, my organizing partner, my major donor, my counselor. I didn’t have a therapist, or friends, or comrades. I didn’t get any of that shit until I started activism.

And I couldn’t even THINK about becoming officially Jewish until I was nearly 32. Because Judaism in America is some whitebread shit, and every nigga and their mama knows it. It’s white normative, because the yidden who created American Jewish life DESIGNED IT TO BE WHITE.

Y’all want niggas in the USA to be perfectly respectful, resourceful, open, kind, socially conscious, and always ready to fight the good fight. IT DON’T WORK THAT WAY MOTHERFUCKERS. Being Black is fucking hard, and the judgment of white adjacent fuckers doesn’t make it easier.

Look niggas: For twenty goddamn years I’ve tried to be a respectable educated taxpaying Negro citizen. Of all the younger cousins on my dad’s side I have the HIGHEST caste status. Because I have access to white resources, just like you bougie assholes do. I am still ghetto trash.

NOTE: To be clear I’m only talking to a handful of Black Jewish assholes right now, and not my kindred communities in general. The handful of assholes know exactly who they are, Professor.

Anyway, back to this rant. Yes, I know I hurt my friend. But he hurt me too. That’s how trauma works. I’ve known that all my life, learned it from my mama’s bosom. I loved my mama deeply, and I know she loved me beyond words. But we hurt each other. All the time.

Life in general is pain. Life in the USA is level 10 pain. Jewish life in the USA is cranked to 11 pain. What level do you think Black American pain is at, huh? You wanna guess? Yeah, it’s lower than hell. And yes—we are fucking traumatized. What did you want me to say?

I deactivated this bastard account for about ten minutes. But as my beloved best friend was validating me over the phone, I decided to log back into this Nazi pig sty and give you Black yidden a piece of my mind. Black Jewish American life is a fucking letdown. Y’all suck ass.

Once again, it is Christian Black women and white Jewish men who come to my rescue. Who are my nurturers and comforters and cheerleaders. Where the fuck are y’all, Black Jews? Why the fuck are y’all ashamed of me? Do I embarrass you? Make you look bad? Tell me!

Wow—my tweets look drunk as shit! They ain’t tho—I’m stone cold sober. I’m a lifelong teetotaler; I can count on my hands the number of times I’ve been drunk in 42 years. I’m just full of trauma and rage. I am high on absolute fucking rage. Pure. Rage.

Don’t you ever fucking tell me who or what to talk about. This ain’t a fucking subtweet; this is an indictment. I want Black Jewish Americans to reject whiteness and white supremacy once and for all. I want you fucks to deal with your misogynoir and white man asskissing.

I want a certain astrophysics professor to ask herself why she felt the need to defend a hella white adjacent Jewish man over the raggedy angry traumatized Black woman who is fighting with him. Yes gurl—I’m fucking talking to you.

Yeah, I should delete this thread, but I probably won’t. Because I’m done being nice and keeping the peace. I’m sick of whiteness and sick of the Black and Jewish folks who carry water for that genocidal shit. I am so done with all of you. Just fuck off.

This thread will stand until the morning, unless Twitter decides to delete it. Read it if you can stomach it. Cry to your mama and your white friends about it. But I am done being silent about my pain. I am done.

Good night.