tw// homophobia, emotional abuse, uncensored slurs, depression

My mom let me buy purple hair dye today, and it was a very big deal for me- even if she didn't know it. This is going to be a more serious thread that I won't tiptoe around, but please do read.

My hair has been an interesting topic for me since the beginning of middle school. I wanted to dye my hair to stand out and it made me feel really cool and gave me free compliments, that was until I hit the worst depressive episode of my life.

Around 7th grade, my emotional wellbeing completely fell apart. I relied heavily on what very few compliments anybody ever gave me (contributing to my impostor syndrome today). It felt really cool to have dyed hair and my friends liked it on me.

When I got to highschool, a few people even started calling me "blueberry" because my hair was usually blue. During freshmen year, I wanted to dye my hair purple. After all- it was and still is my favorite color. My mom took me to the pharmacy to get hair dye.

(Another big trigger warning here because this is the point of no return)

A few weeks prior to the pharmacy visit, I got myself a boyfriend. I really cared about him and he was super cool. I knew my mom was really homophobic but I figured I was going to have to tell her sooner or later.

I was at the pharmacy when I told my mom that I wanted to dye my hair purple. She turned to me with a disgusted look on her face and told me something that would damage me for a very long time:

"Purple is such a faggot color. Not on you. I don't want people thinking my son is a faggot."

I didn't show it but that FUCKED ME UP. I knew my life would be over if I told her about my boyfriend. It had much bigger consequences than she could have imagined.

I didn't really talk to anybody the next few days, and I broke up with my boyfriend very shortly after. I was honest and I told him that I just couldn't tell my mother. Thank god he understood and there was no bad blood. The depression was back in full swing.

I periodically kept asking to dye my hair, most of which turned down because according to my mother it would make dudes think I am gay and try to flirt with me (I wish it was that easy). She always had the same reason, she didn't want me near gay people.

Today we went to the pharmacy for our flu shots, and she let me buy purple hair dye. I still have no idea why she didn't object, but it means so much to me. The damage done to my sexuality and self image is long done, but maybe it can recover.

On the minuscule chance that this gets attention, I urge everybody reading to help donate to a service I think could have helped me a lot in that very dark time. Please if you have the extra cash, click through this link https://give.thetrevorproject.org/give/63307/#!/donation/checkout?c_src=website&c_src2=headerdonatebutton

Probably going to regret this thread and delete everything but the last tweet