C shares her unsolicited thoughts: a thread

I came to a realisation since I got s worded from my main account.
ever since that happened this sunday morning, I've found a very big discomfort scrolling through my tl on main

at first I didn't know why, which made me annoyed and upset at myself

now after some reflection and some time away from it, I understood where that discomfort and anxiety came from

seeing all my moots interact and not being able to do it as well made me sad and gave me an unexplainable anxiety

the annoying fear of abandonment in the back of my mind

I fear they will forget about me, will find better people and not wanting to be associated with me anymore

fear of being forgotten, abandoned, left to rot alone

something i have always heard was that "people come and go"

everyone is disposable, everyone can be replaced

but there's people I don't want them to go
and I fear they have let go of me, that now that I'm "gone", they don't want me back anymore

for much stupid this may sound, I find it very dumb indeed, but it's still valid

I want to believe that I'm valid regardless my feelings and my way to cope with things

I'm really trying to tell myself that.

that I'm valid and there's people out there who haven't forgotten me, who miss me and who still like me

I'm afraid to go back
I'm scared of being rejected

hopefully, this is just the negativity of my brain playing tricks of me and distorting reality

I don't really have a conclusion for this thread
I just wanted to let this out of my chest

and now that I have, I feel slightly better