well I'm stuck in the car for an hour until the kid i carpooled with gets off work so like... here's a krbk thread that hasn't left me alone for a while
im... sorry

//

Kirishima knew from the start that work always came first for Bakugou Katsuki.

He's been like this since high school - nothing matters as much as being a Hero. Kirishima loves that about him, that he pours his heart and soul into his passion like this. He'll go above and beyond, he'll fight to be the very very best.

It's so manly - it's a quality to admire. Kirishima has always loved watching Bakugou train, or fight a villain, hell, even fill out paperwork. He does it all as though he's got something to prove, as though he's got no doubt he's supposed to be doing this.

Kirishima has known that he's in love with Bakugou since second year. At first it was just a crush, a passing thing, something he thought would go away. But watching Bakugou blast his way over buildings and smirk that /stupid smile at villains like he knows they're going down...

It's more than Kirishika can handle. It worms its way into Kirishima's heart and makes itself at home there, shaping out a little spot with explosions and rare smiles and soft, mid-morning moments. It carves out a spot and puts down stakes, never to be removed.

He tells Kaminari that he loves Bakugou on their first day of third year. Kaminari just says, "Yeah, but I asked whats new, not whats obvious."
They get accepted into the same agency as sidekicks together, and Bakugou proved to be consistent. He fights, he explodes, he /wins.

And Kirishima is consistent too - he follows. He supports Bakugou, he watches him, he loves him. He climbs his way up the ranks a step below Bakugou, because who could keep up with that? Nobody. Nobody can.

They get closer and closer, if thats possible, until the day they're talking about where theyre going to live when school ends and Kirishima asks Bakugou to move in with him.
Bakugou just rolls his eyes, grabs another chip from the bag, and says, "who else'll do your laundry?"

And its something about how nonchalant it is, something about how Bakugou just/assumed they'd live together, that has Kirishima spilling his guts, opening up his mouth and letting it all pour out. How he admires him. How he doesn't know what to do without him. How he loves him.

Bakugou just stares at him for a long time, before he nods. "Yeah, I know you love me, Shitty Hair," Bakugou says, and Kirishima is stuck, frozen, the world going dim around Bakugou's face.
"You know?"
"Yeah, I know."
"...and?"

"And do you think I would be moving in with you if I had a problem with it?"
Kirishima stares at him, trying to process this. /Sweet vertigo,/ Kirishima thinks. He can't get enough breath to his lungs. He's floating away, falling.
"And do you...."

"Of course I fuckin love you," Bakugou grumbles, turning his face away. His cheeks are warmed, eyes narrowed in embarrassment. "Shut the hell up about it."
And just like that, it's all so easy, Kirishima watches things that he thought he might never be able to have bloom for him.

Goodbye turns to goodnight, the world makes sense. They come home every night to a small, homey apartment, they tangle their legs together in bed in the mornings. They stand in the doorway before leaving each morning and kiss slow, like it's the first time.

And it's beautiful, it's amazing, it's all Kirishima could have ever wanted. It's Kirishima getting to wrap his hands around Bakugou's cheeks and hold him when he can't sleep. It's more than the world can hold, feelings too big to be contained.

It's Bakugou coming home late and collapsing into Kirishima's lap on the couch, it's Bakugou getting up early and kissing Kirishima on the top of the head before he leaves.

It's... changing. It's Bakugou bailing on dinner more and more, coming home dirty and grungy with dirt and grime. It's Bakugou getting up way before he needs to and leaving early, going to the agency before he needs to be there in an attempt to get assigned to more patrols.

And Kirishima finally corners him when Bakugou doesn't take the lunch that Kirishima had packed, holding a tupperware of rice and fish. "You need to eat more," Kirishima says, pushing the container out to him. Bakugou blinks up from his paperwork, scowling at being interrupted.

"Don't have time," he grunts, going back to the paperwork. Kirishima drops the food on top of the paper, and hardens his arms as Bakugou raises sparking hands.
"Hey, come on," Kirishima says, and Bakugou blinks at him, fully focuses.

Kirishima watches as the spark of mania, the hyperfixation, it slips away. Bakugou blinks hard, and looks down at the food. With a deep breath, he takes it. "Thanks," he grumbles. "Sorry I forgot it."
"It's okay," Kirishima says, leaning down to kiss Bakugou's forehead.

The blond flushes but leans into it, lets Kirishima kiss him, lets out another breath, like he's relaxing more. And as Kirishima leaves to go on patrol, he can see Bakugou opening the food to eat.

But Bakugou is Bakugou, and Kirishima can't win every battle. He has to realize that Bakugou is bad at things like remembering to eat, like taking the food that Kirishima packed. And he gets a little better, he tries, and that's enough for Kirishima.

It's when Bakugou becomes a full Pro that it starts to get really bad.
Kirishima's still a sidekick, always a step or two behind - /nobody/ can keep up with Bakugou, but Bakugou becomes a Pro and signs with the same agency that they've been sidekicks with.

And Kirishima is thrilled, really, he is, but he's also /terrified./ Bakugou doesn't know how to quit - he never has - and Kirishima has no idea what this is going to do to him.

But he stands by his boyfriend's side, he puts his hands in that blond hair and holds him when he's getting a little too out of control, he holds him back from the fights when they're off duty. /There are other heroes here. They don't need help. Katsuki. //Katsuki.//

He watches, unable to do something every time, as Bakugou schedules himself more and more, getting up even earlier and coming home even later. Kirishima makes sure he's eating, but he slowly realizes that Bakugou never gets more than three hours of sleep.

"You can't live like this!" Kirishima shouts one night, when Bakugou comes home so late the entire apartment building has gone still. Kirishima has been watching the news - he can see that Bakugou has been fighting villains, doing patrols.

"I'm fine," Bakugou snaps, but it lacks the bite that it usually has. He's exhausted. But he keeps pushing, he keeps climbing. Kirishima can't follow him this fast. Bakugou is going to get higher than he can reach, disappear into the clouds in his scramble for the summit.

"You're not fine," Kirishima says, begging him to listen. "You need to get some rest. You can't push yourself so hard. You're an amazing hero. Look at me. /Katsuki, look at me./ I love you. I'm so scared, watching you do this to yourself."

And Bakugou softens, he wraps an arm around Kirishima's waist, and sets his forehead on a strong shoulder. The fight leaks from him, and he lets Kirishima wrap his arms around his shoulders. "I love you too," Bakugou murmurs, and Kirishima pulls him a little closer.

"Bedtime," Kirishima whispers, pulling him to their room. "And tomorrow we're going to talk to the agency about cutting your hours, just a little. You're working at least thirty hours overtime every week. And that's on a /good/ week. You need to get some sleep."

Bakugou just nods, letting Kirishima pull him to bed. He falls asleep immediately, and Kirishima lays there all night, holding him and worrying. It seems that he's convinced Bakugou for now, but he doesn't know when it's going to get out of control. Kirishima can't keep up.

And it's okay, for a while. Kirishima signs as a Pro as well, fights alongside Bakugou. They're the perfect team, always in sync, always communicating perfectly, even without words. They were built for each other. Red Riot and Nitro, complimenting and opposing quirks.

The villains that they can't take down alone go down easily when they're together. Bakugou is a whirlwind, and Kirishima is his rock. They take the city by storm.

But even without Kirishima, Bakugou rises. His quirk is amazing, and he just keeps getting better with it, shooting up through the ranks like he's blasting himself with his explosions. Kirishima watches with pride as he finds his way into the top ten.

"We're aware that you and Nitro have been dating for a few years," a reporter asks Kirishima after a battle, as Bakugou is doing clean-up.
"Yeah," Kirishima responds, fond eyes finding the blond in the rubble. He's yelling at an EMT that he's fine and doesn't need first aid.

"What's your favorite thing about him?" The reporter asks, and Kirishima can't help but smile.
"His drive," he answers easily. "He's amazing, he's always going to be the best. At everything. He's so manly and great at what he does."

"Seems like the two of you will be together for a long time," She says, and Kirishima's grin stretches wide, eyes on him, eyes on his whole world, who's still yelling at the poor EMT.
"Yeah," Kirishima muses, heart going soft. "A long, long time."

Bakugou keeps climbing. Kirishima watches as the man he loves pushes himself - he eats, sure, and he gets /just/ enough sleep - but he pushes so hard Kirishima worries he might break.

Bakugou is the toughest guy that he knows, but it's so terrifying to watch him blast himself hundreds of meters into the air, to watch him dive into danger at every chance, to watch him disappear into the clouds in his climb for the top of that mountain.

And Kirishima loves him so much he doesn't know what to do. He holds Bakugou so close every chance that he gets, he tucks his face into that strong shoulder and breathes him in, so so /so/ scared it's going to be the last time that he gets to.

The song of his life starts and stops, every breath hinged on the fear that Bakugou might not come home today. Kirishima's not floating anymore, he's falling. He's watching Bakugou blast his way through the sky and admiring the beauty, but choking for air past the fear.

And Bakugou doesn't know how to stop. He's never known how to stop. He'll never know how to stop. He runs and runs and runs for that finish line, lungs heaving, leaving Kirishima in the dust.

His wounds don't heal, he doesn't give them time to. He fights villain after villain, battle after battle, and he doesn't lose. He saves them all. Kirishima has never felt further away from him than the day he takes the number one spot.

"I did it," Bakugou says, but Kirishima almost doesn't recognize him. His eyes are far away, there are bags beneath them. Kirishima doesn't know the last time he saw him eat. Every night he falls asleep before Bakugou comes home and wakes up after Bakugou has left.

"You did," Kirishima whispers, but Bakugou isn't even looking at him. He has bandages up his arms, his hands tense and loosen every couples seconds. Kirishima knows he's been overusing his quirk. But Bakugou can't hear him, Kirishima's worried just fly right by him.

"I did it," Bakugou says again, but as he takes a step towards Kirishima, Kirishima takes a step back. He doesn't look like the same Bakugou that Kirishima fell in love with. That drive, the determination that Kirishima used to admire so much, it's turned him into something else.

He's climbed the mountain, made it to the top, but Kirishima can't see him. He can't see the man that he fell in love with. All he can see is hollow eyes, scars on skin that he doesn't recognize. Claws drag down Kirishima's back, and he takes another step away.

"I can't," Kirishima whispers, and it barely even registers an emotion on Bakugou's face. He's gone, he's not even in that body anymore. Bakugou is nowhere to be seen. No anger, no eye rolls. And this time Kirishima can't drag him out of it.

He can't do it, he was all in, but he can't do it if he can't even see Bakugou anymore. He can't admit surrender, but he doesn't know what else to do. So he takes another step back.
This one registers something on Bakugou's face.

"Eijirou," he starts, but it's too little, it's just the ghost of the man that Kirishima knew. This is Number One Hero Nitro. This isn't Bakugou Katsuki, not the Bakugou Katsuki that Kirishima fell in love with.

/Hold onto me,/ he wants to say. /Tell me you've got me./ The vertigo is no longer sweet. It makes Kirishima feel sick.
So he takes another step, and turns goodnight back into goodbye.

Kirishima crashes on Kaminari's couch, and watches Bakugou on the TV. True to form, he doesn't even slow down. If anything, he fights harder, works more hours. Kirishima takes a week or two off of work, tells them he needs some personal days. They're more than willing to let him.

Kaminari is there for him, and he sees his friends, they're all sympathetic. But Kirishima has never felt more alone, watching the husk of the man he loves as he throws himself headfirst into danger with empty eyes.

/There's nothing that I can do,/ he reminds himself, his arms hardening by instinct. He wants to be there, he wants to help Bakugou. But he has to remind himself that Bakugou doesn't want help.

But it's impossible to keep himself from jumping up, to hold back the shout, as the villain crushes his hand into Bakugou's face. It's a hit just like hundreds before, all ones that Bakugou has gotten up from.
But he doesn't get back up.

Kirishima makes it to the hospital before they get Bakugou there.

The number one hero is breathing, he's relatively okay, aside from the concussion. The villain knocked him out cold, and Kirishima can't help but feel guilty. If he had been there, then he could have taken that hit. They're supposed to be a team. They're the perfect team.

Kirishima sits by his bedside all night.

He watches Bakugou sleep, and he doesn't cry. He feels like he should be crying, but he can't. This is the first time he's seen Bakugou look anything like himself in months. Kirishima holds his hand, and tries to remember the times when Bakugou's eyes were still light.

And when Bakugou wakes up, his eyes are hazy, slow, unresponsive. He looks like a zombie. That's when Kirishima cries.
"You should go," Bakugou says.
Kirishima does.

He goes back to an empty apartment, he goes to get his things. That's it, then. Bakugou has left the chat. Kirishima is sitting here, waiting at his computer, waiting for the replies that won't come.

It's time for Kirishima to put Bakugou into his memory - the real Bakugou, not this... this.... not whatever he became. He wants to remember the Bakugou that tangled their legs together in bed, the Bakugou that grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him before they left for work.

He takes his things to his parents' house, and tries to get used to being alone. He's alone. He's floating, falling, crashing. Love's protocol says to move on, to remember the good times and forget the bad ones. But Kirishima wants to remember all of it, even if it hurts.

The first day is hard. The second day is harder. The third day is unbearable. Kirishima wants goodnight back, he wants to look at the television and see the love of his life, blasting his way across the sky like a firework. But Bakugou hasn't returned to work yet.

The fourth day is a little bit easier.

The fifth day comes with a knock on the door.

Kirishima's dazed, he's confused, he's lost. He hasn't felt like he's been fully awake or asleep at any point for the past five days. He's felt like he's just... existing. He doesn't know how he's supposed to go on, when all he's known for so many years was Bakugou.

So he doesn't fully register the knock. Not until the second one comes.

He hovers at the door, hand on the knob. His brain goes straight to Bakugou - but it's more likely that it's not. All Kirishima can think about is empty eyes and 'you should go. It's more likely that it's someone there to tell him that Bakugou has gotten hurt again.

It's that thought that makes him open the door, the idea that maybe Bakugou is hurt, worse than the concussion, worse than it's ever been. The thought that, even though Kirishima has already lost him, he's really going to /lose/ him.

"Hey," Bakugou says. The world goes dim around his face.

He's there, he's /really/ there. His eyes are tired, they're puffy and red, but they're narrowed and uncomfortable. They're not empty. They're Bakugou's eyes again, the same ones that averted when he first told Kirishima that he loved him.

They stand there for a moment, and Kirishima isn't sure what to say. Love's protocol has not prepared him for this. He feels like he's flipping through a manual, looking for the page that says "it can get better." Kirishima had already lost him.

He's choking on all the words he wants to say, so he stands there in silence instead. Bakugou just stares at him. Finally, he says, "I have some things to say, so I need you to keep your fat mouth shut for a while."
Kirishima nods, wary. He /sounds/ like Bakugou, too.

"I'm a fucking idiot," Bakugou says, and Kirishima wants to laugh. He doesn't. Bakugou continues, "And I... don't know how to stop. I always trusted you to bring me back, to be there to tell me when I was falling off that edge again. I always relied on you to do that."

Guilt and frustration flash through Kirishima, and he opens his mouth to argue. He /can't/ just put that on Kirishima. Kirishima had tried, he had tried /so/ hard.

But Bakugou grits his teeth and squares his shoulders. "Let me fucking finish," he snaps, and Kirishima closes his mouth, hating that he's /happy/ that Bakugou is angry, that he's uncomfortable. It just means that he's not empty anymore. He's there. He's really there.

"I relied on you to pull me back when I got too far off the deep end, but that isn't fucking fair. It's my problem, it's /my/ brain. I'm a fucking idiot, and I need to learn how to deal with my shit. I shouldn't need a fist to the goddamn face to wake up."

"I'm good at my job," Bakugou continues. "I'm fucking great at it. But I'm shit at everything else. The job has always come first, it's always been all or nothing. But I need to learn a goddamn balance. I need to figure out how you're actually supposed to do it."

"And I realized, as that dumbass was punching me in the goddamn nose... there's no fucking point if it's not with you. It's time for me to be /better/ or whatever, and I can't do that without you."

/Sweet vertigo,/ Kirishima thinks, the smile that finds his face too wide, too much, too painful. He had been fooling himself into thinking he could ever do this without Bakugou.
"You don't have to do it alone," he says. "I'm here to help you. Always."

Bakugou nods, his cheeks red. He narrows his eyes at Kirishima's chest, like hes embarrassed, like they're seventeen again, confessing their feelings. Like he's still /Bakugou./

"I took a vacation," Bakugou says, and Kirishima thinks that he might as well have asked him for his hand in marriage. Bakugou Katsuki never takes vacations. This is really happening, he's really back. And Kirishima will hold onto him tight.

/I've got you,/ he'll say. He'll remind Bakugou that there's more than work, he'll bring him food. He'll fight next to him into the abyss of eternity. Just so long as he gets to be next to him, he gets to be in love with Bakugou.

So he takes a step forward, and he opens his arms. Bakugou falls into them like he's been waiting, he's been trying to come back home for years. He buries his face into Kirishima's shoulder and tightens his hands into Kirishima's shirt.

Kirishima laughs and lifts him up, grinning as Bakugou snaps to put him down. "I'm here," Kirishima says, and Bakugou glares at him, but in that way that he saves just for Kirishima. "I've got you."

"Yeah," Bakugou breathes, running hands up and burying them in Kirishima's hair. "I'm here."

And Bakugou kisses him again, and it feels like all of the good memories that Kirishima has ever had. Sweet, sweet vertigo overtakes him, and drags him down into the abyss of Bakugou. He never has to come up for air again.

// end!!
oh my god this got so sad in the middle!!!!!! I'm so sorry!!!
this was what brought this on - Love Protocol
thank you for reading