I'm obsessed with the graffiti found on the walls of Pompeii.

Vico d' Eumachia, brothel: "Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women."

Guys, you haven't changed a bit.

House of Caprasius Primus: "I don't want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world."

I would sell mine, if I had one

Barracks of the Julian-Claudian gladiators: "Celadus the Thracian makes the girls moan!"

In the basilica: "Chie, I hope your haemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they ever have before!"

Sounds like something @dgjones would write

In the basilica: "O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed you have not already collapsed in ruin."

This one is brilliant!

In the basilica: "Lucius Istacidius, I regard as a stranger anyone who doesn’t invite me to dinner."

ME TOO

House of the Centenary; in the latrine near the front door: "Secundus defecated here"

Thanks for letting us know

Herculaneum bar: "Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores."

They had Tripadvisor in Pompeii

Gladiator barracks: "On April 19th, I made bread"

- All of us in lockdown

In the basilica: "Epaphra, you are bald!"

Could be me sending a text to @dgjones before he had his hair transplant

"Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog"

What the hell

"Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here."

Thanks, doctor

"Secundus likes to screw boys."

Congrats, Secundus

"Gaius Sabinus says a fond hello to Statius. Traveler, you eat bread in Pompeii but you go to Nuceria to drink. At Nuceria, the drinking is better."

Take note

"If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii."

These guys were obsessed, weren't they

"We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot."

TripAdvisor strikes again

"To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy."

I wonder what happened to those who ignored the warning

I hope these have brightened up your day! Centuries go by and we remain the same idiots...

You can see a few more here: https://kashgar.com.au/blogs/history/the-bawdy-graffiti-of-pompeii-and-herculaneu

OH JESUS CHRIST

Gladiator barracks: "Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion."

Maybe he wasn't that privileged

“Oppius, you’re a clown, a thief, and a cheap crook.”

I agree

From the bar/brothel of Innulus and Papilio: "Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men's behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA this is only getting better

From Herculaneum (a bar/inn joined to the maritime baths): "Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time."

How did they do both at the same time

House of the Citharist, below a drawing of a man with a large nose: "Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this."

No one needs a friend like Salvius

Vico degli Scienziati: "Cruel Lalagus, why do you not love me?"

They couldn't complain on social media back then, so they used graffiti instead

House of Caesius Blandus: "It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times."

Every time you feel bored, remember that it could be worse

OH MY GOD THERE'S A DIALOGUE. CHECK THIS OUT

"Successus the weaver is in love with the slave of the Innkeeper, whose name is Iris. She doesn't care about him at all, but he asks that she take pity on him. A rival wrote this."

The response:

"You're so jealous you're bursting. Don't tear down someone more handsome― a guy who could beat you up and who is good-looking."

!!!!!

Gladiator barracks: "Antiochus hung out here with his girlfriend Cithera."

Jealous of Antiochus and Cithera who were able to hang out without worrying about covid

House of Cosmus and Epidia; right of the door): "Aufidius was here. Goodbye."

Bye then

Barracks of the Julian-Claudian gladiators; column in the peristyle: "Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls."

Yep, I can imagine

On the Vico del Labirinto: "On April 20th, I gave a cloak to be washed. On May 7th, a headband. On May 8th, two tunics."

Did you get them back though

Vicolo del Panattiere, House of the Vibii, Merchants: "Atimetus got me pregnant."

I wish I could live in this world where gender reveal parties were not a thing

(Congrats)

In the basilica: "The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian."

Can relate

In the basilica: "The one who buggers a fire burns his penis."

Guys, attention

In the basilica: "Love dictates to me as I write and Cupid shows me the way, but may I die if god should wish me to go on without you."

<3

Just ordered this book: https://www.amazon.com/Graffiti-Pompeii-Laura-Sobbott-Ross/dp/194918062X