Right. Fuck it. PMQs live stream.

Will Johnson bother trying to pretend he's capable of real emotion? Who will have the best curtains?

Let's find out together!

Oh we're going straight in with the shit.

Man who worked hard to bankrupt TfL explains that London is fucked because someone bankrupted it.

"How does an area in Tier 3 restrictions get out of Tier 3 restrictions?"

Johnson says get R below 1.

Starmer asks again: is there ANY circumstance where an area might leave tier 3 without that.

Johnson suddenly realises he's wiffed himself by actually setting a rule and immediately follows up with waffle.

"The widespread fear is that Tier 3 is the worst of all worlds... Tier three is a gateway to months of agony with no exit. Can the prime minister not see there is a problem if there is no clear path to exit?"

"Let me be absolutely clear..." Says Johnson, which as always his tell for being massively unclear.

Johnson really isn't good when he's facing a lawyer is he?

One of the reasons why his salary isn't going very far right now, to be fair.

Johnson reeling off what he's given Manchester.

Confirms the thing everyone KNEW he'd have to do, which is give Manchester £60m anyway

"This is man who can find 45m for a garden bridge he never built, but not 5m for Greater Manchester"

Starmer is hitting Johnson hard here. Reeling off all the tendering fails etc.

It's really showing how shit the politics on money is becoming for the government.

Ah SHOUTY Johnson is back. Apparently labour want to turn the lights out or something. He's bumwaffling to his backbenches.

That R rate thing has really been a mistake, and you could see it coming a fucking mile off (Johnson didn't).

Starmer just hitting him now with places that have a lower R rate than Manchester

"Only Cornwall, and the Isle of Wight, are lower."

Demanding circuitbreak on Friday.

COMMON SENSE ECONOMY MOVING ONE NATION UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING ALAS BOUNCE BACK STRONGLY TOGETHER.

Just arrange those words in whatever order you like.

Noooo Ian Blackford is audio only. Seeing which room of his house he's in is always one of the highlights.

Asks if Johnson is finding it hard on his salary?

<this answer intentionally left blank>

Ah. Andrea Jenkyns gets the sitter in about the EU being big meanies.

Interestingly, Johnson doesn't take the opportunity to go off on a proper bombastic speech about it.

He looks very, very tired.

Bob Blackman from Harrow interrupts his MS Flight sim session to ask if the government has demanded London extension extend the congestion charge.

Bob is a tory, btw.

<BLAH BLAH BANKRUPCY. BLAH BLAH DEMOGOGUES. BLAH BLAH FARES>

Doesn't answer.

Because it is true.

Daisy Cooper hits him with the Marcus Rashford question.

"The most important thing to do to support kids is to keep them in school"

Not sure if the PM doesn't understand how Half Term works, or if he's talking to his wives (current and former) about the need for Boarding.

Janet Daby asks about government forcing tfl to kill under 18 travel.

<SHAGGERWANK ABOUT LONDON BEING BANKRUPT>

Sarah Owen demanding more than soundbites to support businesses.

<SENSIBLE BALANCED REGIONAL APPROACH>

No, I don't know what it means either.

Sir George Howarth is very proud of his new wallpaper.

Asks about free school meals.

<waffle>

Stephen Metcalfe pauses while burgling someones house to drop Johnson a sitter on getting out of Tier 3.

Sarah Olney demands to know about congestion charge extension.

Johnson doesn't answer. says Shaun Bailey will reopen Hammersmith bridge.

Which he probably would. Without fixing it. Because he's a fucking idiot.

Lillian Greenwood both slams Boris on his lack of support for Nottingham businesses and gets my award for best use of Dazzle camouflage in Parliament.

<nothingness. words of nothingness>

Has anyone done a timelapse of Boris' gradual visual shit into being his father yet?

It's getting quite obvious and speedy.

I'm starting to think he tried to drink from the holy grail and picked the wrong cup.

Oh, apparently test and trace is wonderful and the best in Europe apparently.

Helen Hayes asked about it.

So that's good news.

He finishes by going on about Labour asking for a circuit break again, and saying that would be a disaster. Which is clearly the line they're gambling on working.

I think that's a very high risk strategy.

Right, PMQ summary:

- Johnson was very subdued. I don't think he's enjoying the job. Poor lamb. My heart bleeds.
- Hit from all sides on the stuff goverment is forcing on TfL. Couldn't deny any of it. That'll worry him. He likes to be loved
- They have no Tier 3 exit plan. Oops.

- He tried half-heartedly to use the 'labour keep changing their minds' but it didn't even land with his own bench. I think they know that's not testing well now.
- New attack line seems to be to claim circuitbreakers are a terrible plan and labour is dangerous for wanting one.

That seems a VERY high-risk strategy to me, especially with Wales going into one, and other countries too.

If they work, the government is going to have to do some SERIOUS backpeddling on their main recent political attack line.

And frankly that's very, very bad news for this country. Because it means that if an English circuit break IS needed, Johnson and the rest of the Shite Brigade are going to be faced with a choice between saving lives or saving their political face and...

Well. Yeah.

Final note on rewatch: I think Starmer was doing some careful testing of the water there on what would happen if Labour started going big on all the COVID costs and PPE tendering fails.

Johnson couldn't even deal well with a soft shot on it.

I think that's a ticking timebomb.