One of the recommendations I was given along with my #autism diagnosis was to ensure I spend sufficient time alone. This helps me to regulate my energy levels, emotions and mood.
#autistic
#solitude
#AllAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
1/

I was one of three children close in age which probably explains why dens and hiding places beneath tables and under sheets draped over clothes airers were important to me in childhood. The garden was a good place to find solitude too.
2/

I shared a bedroom with my sister to begin with but explosive arguments between us persuaded my Dad to erect a dividing wall made out of fitted wardrobes. The great joy of having a room of my own has never left me. It’s a retreat, a sanctuary, a safe place.
3/

All was well until I left home for university. Having not a clue that I was autistic the room ballot ended up with me sharing a small bedroom with a stranger. I studied English. She studied maths. I stayed up late at night. She got up at dawn. I became exhausted and ill.
4/

Luckily in my second and third years I had my own room. I slept better and studied better. I could socialise when I chose to and shut myself away when necessary. I was happiest in the smallest room in college which I decorated like a cosy nest with plush carpet and cushions.
5/

It wasn’t until long term relationships and marriage that I shared a bedroom again on a regular basis. It was still a challenge. Sometimes I’d retreat to lie on my bed and read a book, as in childhood, only to find that my partner had followed me. I wanted to say “go away!”
6/

My current partner needs his own space as much as I do. Although our house is quite small we have places we can escape to - the loft, the brick workshop, the summerhouse, the campervan. It’s essential for both of us. We understand the need for solitude within a relationship.
7/

The Covid pandemic has pushed us together much more as a couple - neither of us goes out to work much now. Spending more time together during the day is balanced by being apart at night. Sleeping separately began as an infection control measure but it actually suits us both.
8/

I began by nesting up in the loft with air bed and memory foam mattress and a skylight through which I could see the moon, stars, clouds and swooping birds. I added refinements like a tiny heater and improvised bedside table. It was basic but cosy.
9/

More recently I moved down into the study where there’s the convenience of a bathroom next door. I no longer have to climb down a loft ladder if I want to go to the loo, but I have to pack away my bed every morning and get it out every night. It’s worth it for the solitude.
10/

What I really miss at the moment is having the whole house to myself. The study has been taken over so my partner can WFH. An early Zoom meeting meant I got booted out of my cosy bed first thing this morning. Access to the loft is via the study, so that’s out of bounds too.
11/

By comparison with many people we’re incredibly fortunate but I’m aware of how these changes impact on our wellbeing. As we face tougher lockdown measures we’ll have to get more creative about creating distance between us. My partner often goes out for a drive to be alone.
12/

As a social worker I worked with a family whose adult daughter was autistic and had a learning disability. Their survival mechanism was to go out for a drive, which calmed and soothed all of them. Denying people an adequate income denies them choices that make life bearable.
13/

I’m acutely aware of how privileged I am to have the economic resources to protect my mental health. I was able to take unpaid leave to reduce stress and buy comforting food. I am so angry at the government for the pain they are inflicting on the poorest people in society.
14/

Today we find out how MPs will vote on the provision of free school meals during school holidays. That this has to be put to a vote says so much about the country we’ve become. An administration bent on perpetuating inequality, not levelling up, whatever their rhetoric says.
15/

I’ve deviated from the original topic but there’s a connection. Poverty often means overcrowding and that’s something most autistic people struggle with. Lack of personal space, and lack of choice about the clothes you wear and the food you eat, everything is so much harder.
16/

The hardest thing is knowing it doesn’t have to be this way. Political choices are compounding inequality and condemning swathes of people to misery. Now, more than ever, structural inequalities are impacting on people’s lives. But that won’t be acknowledged or addressed.
17/

We’re fed the line that the government had no choice but to make tough decisions in unprecedented times. We’re supposed to ignore the fact their carelessness and incompetence brought about much of the chaos and wait for an official inquiry to tell us what we already know.
18/

I can hardly bear to watch PMQs. At a time of national crisis it’s increasingly difficult to see questions being evaded with platitudes, rhetoric and downright dishonesty. It’s so disrespectful to those in society who have already suffered so much, and those who are about to.
19/

The #FreeSchoolMeals debate goes way beyond party politics. It’s about fundamental questions as to what is right and wrong. I hope that Tory MPs, including the one who represents my constituency, will have the guts to stand up for principles of humanity and social justice.
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