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Me ranting about my mental health because no one will see this :D
a thread
a thread
So to start off I’m going to say there will be triggering topics in here if you see this, so please caution yourself, I will try to trigger warn as much as I can 
To start, I’m just gonna say that my mental health has been declining very fast, but I honestly can’t do anything about it
TW // mention of suicidal thoughts / suicide
I’m not suicidal, I don’t cut and I have no want to, but I do feel numb constantly
I’m not suicidal, I don’t cut and I have no want to, but I do feel numb constantly
I am constantly lying to my friends and family, my tics are worse, my anxiety and depression have increased, and it all started when I started my first year of high school this year
I’m terrified of everything now, I used to be very carefree, not very scared of anything, but now I can’t even walk out of my room without having a panic attack or worrying about how I look because of some of the people I live with
I don’t know how to describe how I feel other than numb, I guess it sounds pretty bad, but I can’t explain it
I’ve been horribly dysphoric, as a Genderfluid person, I cannot leave my house without feeling dysphoria, I can’t leave without wearing a pair of sweats and a hoodie to hide my body
I’ve never hated my body, I love it, sure I wish I was skinnier sometimes, but I’ve never hated it, but slowly I’ve been wanting to cover it up, I’ve started hating my chest
I put myself in these worlds to make myself feel better, for instance a world where I’m older and friends with my favorite you tubers to make myself feel safe, or when I’m at school I’ll imagine myself in the game Obey Me: Shall We Date to calm my anxiety
I’ve been more sick this year than I’ve ever been before, this is my third day in a row that I’ve been home sick throwing up and I can’t make myself feel better, and to add to it, my insomnia is horrible
I stay up till 6, 7, 8 I’m the morning and fall asleep for about 30 minutes before continuing my day, and it just gets worse and worse
I cannot bring myself to tell anyone I know about this, and some of the things I’ve done have really messed me up and I can’t talk to a therapist or anyone about it until I’m an adult
TW // nsfw
I hate myself for adding this here but while I’m as dating my ex, we did disgusting things and most of the time he pressured me into doing some of the things..
I hate myself for adding this here but while I’m as dating my ex, we did disgusting things and most of the time he pressured me into doing some of the things..
End of thread for now, if you see this I hope you have a wonderful day/night and that you are doing well, and if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me
