Hello and welcome back to my nighttime shenanigans

In honor of all the wonderful a/b/o threads circulating around, I have decided to present my own idea

Tonight, I give you omega Dazai and omega Chuuya getting each other pregnant in the canon verse

or, Double Whammy :)

+

It starts with an express trip to the toilet and Dazai retching his guts out. Just as Chuuya is scrambling after him to make sure he's okay, he gets one whiff of vomit and promptly shoves the other man aside to puke, too.

The nausea remains constant with Chuuya, while Dazai is+

stuck feeling groggy all day--well, groggier than usual. The subtlety of the signs would leave others none the wiser, but there was no hiding from the infamous (former) Double Black.

Day three of unexplained symptoms warrants a trip to the doctor's that confirms what they both+

already suspected: they're pregnant.

As in, Dazai /and/ Chuuya each have a developing embryo inside of their bodies.

The news is kept between the duo, who can't help but smile like giddy fools whenever they look at each other after leaving the clinic. Even when Chuuya has to+

physically turn away from his partner because of the relentless teasing, the smiles remain permanent on the faces that have never appeared brighter than right here, right now.

In the confines of their home, their own little paradise from reality, they hold each other tight,+

sharing the same breath as the news takes its sweet time settling in and ingraining itself in their brains, blanketing them in a new kind of warmth that couldn't be achieved by the silken sheets.

Dazai, in particular, radiates an infectious warmth that cradles Chuuya's body as+

tenderly as the arms wrapped tightly around him. There's a gentle hand on the mark on the left side of the redhead's neck, an even gentler one resting on his stomach, cool fingers tracing feather-light circles into his bare skin.

It's been like that since they left the clinic,+

Dazai being extra clingy. Although, Chuuya really can't blame him, since he's got his own hand poking at the brunet's stomach, laughing softly when Dazai starts poking at him, too.

When Dazai's done playing, he lifts a hand to stroke the redhead's cheek, cupping it in his palm.+

"We're going to be parents, Chuuya," he whispers, so quietly, as if sharing a secret between lovers--which is technically true, considering they're the only ones that know.

Leaning into the touch that he's learned to associate with safety and home, Chuuya whispers back just as+

quietly, "I know," with an added kiss to the side of Dazai's palm.

For the rest of the night, they share loving kisses, muted teases, and wishful fantasies of raising their own family.

"If we both have quadruplets, we can be like Octomom!"

Chuuya pats Dazai's cheek as opposed+

to the usual kiss, all because the idea is equal parts ridiculous and terrifying.

"Goodnight, Osamu."

"Wait, no, kiss me."

And because Chuuya can be just as much of a tease as Dazai, he shimmies down to kiss his tummy, mumbling a 'goodnight' to the embryo instead.+

Not one to be easily defeated, Dazai brings out the big guns, initiating his relentless attack of butterfly kisses to Chuuya's face, until he finally admits defeat through a breathless laugh.

"Love you," he says, before pressing his lips to Dazai's, lingering for a few seconds+

max. The redhead is much too tired to do anything further, the news of being pregnant, albeit joyful, taking more of a toll than he expected.

"Love you, too."

That night, they fall asleep like they always do, cuddled close, with their hands intertwined, a habitual gesture that+

first became a part of their routine when they started officially dating, one that ensures that they don't get separated, despite it being near impossible.

From that point on, they keep the information on their twin pregnancies a secret from their respective organizations,+

waiting for that barely noticeable baby bump to announce the news--and to build up the essential nerves.

When that time does come two months later--two months that were filled with stealthily having to avoid the concerned quips about them gaining weight, they decide to start+

with the Armed Detective Agency for /obvious/ reasons.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. You can hold my hand, if you're nervous."

Chuuya is nervous, yes, but he's not the one holding his partner's hand in a death grip.

"It'll be fine," Dazai repeats, talking more to himself really.+

A call of his name earns an inattentive hum, so Chuuya takes both of the brunet's hands and places them flat on his baby bump. /That/ snaps Dazai out of his anxious murmuring, brown eyes flitting from where his hands are and up to concerned blue eyes.

"We're going to be ok,"+

Chuuya tells him slowly, while he holds Dazai's hands in a firm grip, steadying him.

The redhead breathes with him, taking deep inhales and exhales, and praises him for following along.

When he's calmed down a bit, Dazai pulls Chuuya into a hug, squeezing him nice and tight.+

"Thank you."

Only when Dazai is /completely/ ready do they open the office door, and the immediate greeting they receive from cheerful co-workers does wonders to dispel the rest of the anxiety in the brunet's body.

He /knows/ these people, has worked with them for years.+

There shouldn't be any reason to be afraid of telling them the news.

"Dazai! You're late!"

Said man smiles cheerily at the fuming blond, mood lifted by the upcoming dance of their routine banter.

"But Kunikida-kun~ I showed up! Isn't that enough?"

Chuuya inwardly sighs in+

relief when the previously sour pheromones that radiated off of Dazai's body turn noticeably sweeter, steering closer to his natural scent now that he doesn't feel distressed.

An anxious Dazai is an anxious Chuuya, and so goes the saying that a happy Dazai is a happy Chuuya.+

Knowing that Dazai can take care of himself in his own territory, Chuuya watches on, amused, as Kunikida gives the brat a piece of his mind.

He smells her before he sees her, and as a result, Chuuya isn't surprised when Yosano creeps up from behind to greet him. She clicks her+

tongue when her sneak attack ends in utter failure /again./

"I'll get you one day."

Chuuya meets her challenge with a smirk.

"Bring it on, sensei."

Yosano's own smirk drops when she gets a whiff of him, eyes calculating as she inspects him closer.

"You smell...different."+

As a doctor, Yosano is familiar with a wide variety of scents that are key indicators to a person's health. Right now, the mafia Executive's scent is giving her bright neon signs that she can't quite read yet. It doesn't help that she's only ever smelled him on Dazai or on the+

rare occasions that he drops by to deliver a supposedly forgotten lunch.

Chuuya has always smelled of warm lavender with a hint of sweet orange, but this is on another level. Almost like he's--

"Everyone, please gather around!" Dazai suddenly announces, bursting the woman's+

eureka moment that fades away frustratingly fast. It was on the tip of her tongue, too! "Chibi and I have an important announcement to make."

"Oh, are you two finally tying the knot?" the younger Tanizaki sibling excitedly asks.

"Huh? No, no, no. We already did that."+

"Wait, what?"

"Anyways," Dazai ignores a flabbergasted Atsushi in favor of walking back to Chuuya to hold his hand, and that's when it finally hits Yosano like a sack of bricks, magenta eyes widening to the size of saucers long before the words leave her co-worker's mouth,+

"Chibi and I are about to expand our family!"

As the first one to fully process the news, Yosano is also the first to react.

"Holy shit." Her eyes look from Chuuya's sheepish smile to the now apparent baby bump. "Dazai knocked you up?"

"I'm sorry for your loss," Kunikida is+

sincerely remorseful, going the full mile and bowing his head.

Dazai gasps, obviously offended.

"How mean! You didn't even let me finish."

The room easily plunges back into silence, half of the occupants still stunned from the first announcement.

"Chuuya is pregnant,+

but so am I!"

"You're joking."

To prove it, Dazai shows off his own baby bump, explaining how they visited the clinic and tested positive.

"We're both carrying little gremlins in our bellies."

The couple watches as Kunikida's bow deepens.

"I'm /truly/ sorry for your loss."+

Dazai starts pouting, a secret weapon of his that technically only works on Chuuya, though it does help when he wants to annoy his work partner.

"Aw, don't be like that Uncle Kunikida. Don't you want to see mini Dazai's running around the office?"

The horror-stricken face is+

all the answer he needs. The sadistic man continues to torment the already weeping blond with plans to have them wreak havoc in the workplace.

Meanwhile, Chuuya is entertaining a different blond, who's much more ecstatic.

"Wah~ Chuuya-san! Will your babies float, too?!"+

The man shrugs, unsure if Abilities are hereditary or not. It's not something he wants to talk about, so he offers to let the boy touch his tummy as compensation for his lack of an answer.

Soon, everyone is lining up to have a feel--with permission, of course.+

"Do you want to feel,too, Kunikida-kun?" Dazai offers when it's clear that the other man is just as interested in touching Chuuya's bump as the others.

Apprehensive as he may be, Kunikida supposes the brunet doesn't appear as in a playful mood as before and is genuinely asking.+

So, he wordlessly gives his hands to the brunet and allows himself to be guided to the bump on his stomach, where he can /feel/ the reality of a pregnant Dazai.

Maybe it's the merry atmosphere, or maybe it's his compassionate self, but Kunikida finds himself becoming emotional.+

It's a bit embarrassing, but Kunikida doesn't care as he starts talking to it.

"I know your father can be an infuriating menace, but as your uncle, I promise I'll make sure he raises you right."

He's not ashamed per se, though the blond probably wouldn't have said it so loud,+

if he knew the rest of the room would hear his sentimental vow to their baby.

"Kunikida-kun," the shaky voice catches him off-guard, especially when he sees watery brown eyes, "you're being extra mean today."

Dazai wipes at his eyes.

"Ah, really... Making me cry like this."+

"It's the hormones", Dazai tries to justify as he's crying in Chuuya's arms. Everyone else seems to believe that bullshit, and the only one that knows that he's /really/ crying his eyes out is the one comfortingly patting his back.

Needless to say, the visit ends better than+

the couple expected. They speedily escape when someone reminds Dazai about registering his marriage into the ADA's system--the sole reason why he didn't mention it in the first place.

With how smoothly everything went, they pray that everything goes as well with the Port Mafia.+

~

Later that night, during peak mafia hours, Dazai and Chuuya open the door to enter what they believe will be a life or death situation. Mori is an unpredictable man, and if by any chance he takes the news badly, they've already cooked up an escape plan. They just hope+

they won't have to go through with it.

"Dazai-kun, I knew you'd return one day."

The voice alone makes Dazai want to turn tail and run, not because he's scared, but because it brings back memories he'd rather not be reminded of.

/Do it for Chuuya/, he tells himself.+

It's the same mantra he repeats in his head as the two venture farther into the office that started it all.

"I'm not here for you," Dazai says through clenched teeth when they stop in front of the older man's desk. "I'm here for Chuuya's sake."

He squeezes his partner's hand+

both to ground himself and to soothe the other man, whose pheromones had begun to ever so slightly sour in the presence of his boss. The squeeze Dazai receives back is enough reassurance to know that Chuuya is holding up alright s far.

"Oh? Then what do I owe to have you here?"+

Then, as if ripping off a band-aid, Chuuya calmly gets straight to the point.

"We're pregnant."

They both tense up as they await Mori's reaction, and the result is somewhat close to what they expected.

"Good work, Chuuya-kun. Reeling him in by impregnating him. Outstanding."+

The scent gets sourer as Chuuya begins to tighten his hand around Dazai's.

"Actually, Boss, we're /both/ pregnant."

Mori is nothing short of amused, even smiling when he says,
"Even better."

The duo know better than to trust that smile, for if they do, they'll get /burned./+

"You're not mad?" Chuuya tentatively asks, wary of how cheerful his boss looks at his desk.

"Why would I be? The little ones, children of the former Demon Prodigy and the vessel to Arahabaki will be great assets to the Port Mafia."

And their stomachs just /drop./+

Their instincts, trained from a young age to sense danger in any shape or form, have never been wrong, and that tingling sense of a looming threat from the moment they walked inside is now a blaring alarm going off in their heads, forcing them to automatically be on high alert.+

Dazai catches the way Chuuya's hand comes up to lay on his stomach, protective. He can also smell how absolutely /terrified/ he is by the rancid odor of sourness and bitterness rolled into one, so strong that he's itching to cover his nose and recoil from it.

The brunet+

can't say he feels the same way. Unnerved, yes. But scared? Fuck. No.

Instead, all he sees is /red,/ vision blinded by the rage targeted at the one man he despises with his whole chest. He wants lunge across that desk and deck him in the face, but he'd rather not get any closer+

than he has to. So, he resorts to what he's best at: words.

Dazai steels his expression to a stony glare, ensuring that Mori can see just how enraged he is with his expression alone.

"Try to take any of our babies to be raised here, and I'll take your precious Executive and+

run away with him. I'm only here as a formality to Chuuya, but if you intend on breeding them into elite mafia operatives, then I won't hesitate to take my husband and flee from Yokohama. I've done it before, and I'll gladly do it again."

Having staked his claim, Dazai leads+

Chuuya out of the room, carefully pushing him to walk in front of him, so that the weight of the stare that follows them is left solely on him.

Their original plan was to tell Kouyou afterwards, however, their next and final destination of the day is home. Dazai refuses to put+

themselves in another situation that could potentially harm them and their babies.

Consequently, as soon as the door to their apartment closes, they build the biggest nest in their bedroom, comprised of /all/ their favorite blankets, sweaters, and pillows. Anything, really, as+

long as it smelled like each other.

Once the finishing touches are added, they crawl inside the impressively built fort of comfort and simply lie together, destressing from the events of the day and working to bring themselves to a state of mind, where they no longer feel+

endangered.

Chuuya, especially, has been on edge since they got home, relaxing only when nestled deep into a fluffy blanket, cradled in the arms of his lover. Fingers in his hair, the calming scent of Dazai that surrounds him, all of it plays a part in soothing him.+

"Our passports are ready," he hears Dazai whisper to him, the hand stroking the back of his head continuing its steady pace. "Everything is settled overseas, too. All we have to do is pack."

There's a whine at the back of Chuuya's throat as he burrows further in Dazai's chest.+

"Say the word, and we can leave right now."

A momentary pause. Then, a shake of a head.

To reward his answer, Dazai kisses the top of his hair and holds him closer.

Chuuya has ties to this city, and after years of building up their relationship and working to become a better+

man for a friend long passed, Dazai does, too. But he needs him to know that he's prepared to drop everything for their family.

"Dazai?"

The brunet hums, leaning into the touch of the palm that cups his cheek, thumb gently caressing his cheek.

"Let's try here first, okay?"+

"Okay."

Luckily for them, Mori seems to have taken the threat to heart and doesn't bring up the subject anymore, aside from asking how far along they are, so that the proper precautions can be made. For that, Chuuya is grateful, the weight on his shoulders disappearing as the+

conversation shifts to the older man asking, if they had a chance to tell Kouyou yet.

Before he can give a proper answer, the door is slamming open, revealing a livid beauty with a raging fire in her eyes.

"Where is he?!"

"Oh shit," Chuuya mumbles under his breath,+

unconsciously taking a step back.

Piercing red eyes zero in on Chuuya, who's sweating like no tomorrow, and she strides across the room in record time.

"Where is the man that got you pregnant? /Where is Dazai?/"

The woman reeks of alpha pheromones, too powerful, too angry for+

Chuuya's liking, and his hands immediately clutch at his stomach, despite knowing that she'd never hurt him. All he sees right now is an alpha that looks ready to kill, and his instincts scream at him to protect the baby inside of him.

"Now, now, Kouyou-kun. Stress isn't good+

for the baby."

She glares at her boss, but when she looks back at Chuuya, she takes in the defensive stance, the hands on his belly, and immediately softens up. Distancing herself a little, she's thankful for the calming pheromones their boss had been gradually releasing.+

Her mind clearer than when she entered the room, Kouyou waits until Chuuya is fully calmed down to take him into her arms, wrapping him up in a warmth reserved for her loved ones.

"Ane-san."

"Yes?"

"Dazai is pregnant, too."

Kouyou stiffens up, glancing over his shoulder at+

Mori, who merely gives her two thumbs up.

"Are you ready to have a baby?" /Two/ babies, she corrects herself.

At that, Chuuya chuckles, shaking his head.

"Of course not, but we'll figure it out. We always do."

That doesn't ease her mind one bit, yet the confident smile of+

the man she watched grow up is more than enough.

Sighing, she pats his head the same way she used to do when he was younger.

"Twenty six and still as reckless as ever."

Although, it wouldn't be Dazai and Chuuya, otherwise.

~

The months that proceed the duo's pregnancies are+

relatively normal, albeit with way more whining from the younger of the two.

"Chibi, cut me some slack. I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations, asshole. So am I. Now suck it up and fold the laundry."

With each growth of their tummies, comes the inevitable fussing of the people+

around them.

"Chuuya-san, let me carry that for you."

"Chuuya-san, are you sure you don't want me to get you anything?"

It's all with good intentions, however, the Executive is perfectly capable of handling himself, made even easier with For the Tainted Sorrow. The other half+

of Double Black is happily milking all the attention, basking in the uncharacteristic pampering from his co-workers.

"Dazai-san, I'll do the report for you. You can rest."

"Oi, Dazai. If you're feeling unwell, I can take Atsushi instead."

The brunet is in paradise, and he+

wholeheartedly believes that the pregnancy will be a breeze.

That is, of course, until he gets to the cravings.

"Chuuya~!" Dazai cries from the bathroom after finishing vomiting. "I want crab, but the baby doesn't like it."

"At least you're not downing shots of vinegar."+

Dazai will admit, it's hilarious when everyone at the office feels his pain when they find out that the mashed potatoes and gravy he has for lunch is mashed potatoes and caramel. If he has to suffer these horrid cravings, he'll make sure he's not the only one. Petty bitch.+

Do you want to know what the worst part of it all is?

Not the swollen ankles.

Not the bodily insecurities.

Not the insane food combinations.

The absolute worst thing that has come out of their pregnancies, is the spontaneous fighting, spurred on by haywire hormones.+

Wait, no.

'Fighting' isn't the word. They're more of...crying fits.

For instance, Dazai will accidentally make Chuuya cry, and when he can't calm him down, he panics and starts crying, too.

The position of peacemaker is usually bestowed upon the poor weretiger, who is the+

first person the brunet calls when the waterworks begins.

All Atsushi hears when he picks up the phone is uncontrollable crying and screaming, which obviously makes him and everyone that can hear the ruckus through the speaker freak out. It's particularly unnerving, since the+

duo's due dates are approaching.

After receiving the green light to leave work to cater to Dazai's needs, the younger man strains his ears to try and figure out what he wants. The only words he can just barely out are 'Chuuya, ice cream, sorry,' followed by more sobbing.+

Ice cream? Does he want ice cream?

Reassured that neither of them are going into labor, Atsushi wracks his brain for ideas, ultimately deciding to buy the brunet the largest tub of vanilla ice cream he can find, before going to their house. Can't go wrong with vanilla, right?+

The elated expression on Dazai's face tells him that he did a good job, or at least he assumes. It's difficult to truly comprehend what it means when there's snot and tears all over it.

Having sprinted the entire journey here, Atsushi takes Dazai up on the offer to come inside,+

where he bears witness to Dazai hesitantly presenting the peace offering of frozen goodness to the copper-haired man currently locked inside their bedroom.

"Chuuya, I'm sorry!" Dazai sobs miserably to the door. "Please don't be mad."

There's a click, and then the door is+

creaking open, revealing a Chuuya, whose appearance mirrors Dazai's tear-streaked, snot-ridden one. It swings open all the way when he catches sight of the dessert.

"You got me ice cream...?" And the question is asked so /softly/, in pure /disbelief/, as if Dazai would never+

go out of his way to do this--which is a total lie, he once traveled across the city to get the redhead coffee that he insisted could only be from that one specific place.

Atsushi hears a thump, and oh, here comes more crying. At least this time, it appears to be happy crying.+

~

"Ow. That's how I know this one is yours. She keeps kicking me."

Chuuya's airy laugh trails off into concern when Dazai slumps over in pain, one hand on his stomach and the other clutching onto the redhead's hand.The brunet is groaning, whining in between the frequent kicks.+

"Talk to her, please?" With how fragile he sounds, Chuuya would be a monster to say no.

The smaller of the two puts one hand on Dazai's belly, beginning to rub light circles to soothe the restless baby.

"Your daddy is very weak," he whispers, earning a garbled /hey/ from+

Dazai. "You shouldn't kick him too much, or else he'll cry again."

"That was /one/ time."

Chuuya ignores his husband, continuing with his tender touches and whispers. Before they know it, the little girl's movements have decreased enough for Dazai to peacefully close his eyes.+

"Why doesn't he kick /you/?" Dazai asks bitterly, even as he's resting his head on Chuuya's shoulder and kissing his neck.

As if on cue, the redhead flinches when he feels a sharp pain in his abdomen.

"Fuck you. You jinxed it."

"Good."

Dazai's smug smile is wiped off his+

face when his cheek gets mercilessly pinched red and raw.

"How about you put that mouth to better use and help choose some names?"

The brunet's pout turns into a look of bewilderment.

"I thought you chose names already?" Brown eyes flicker to the leather-bound notebook on the+

bedside table, which held a list of all the names he's caught Chuuya jotting down since the start of their pregnancies.

The redhead averts his eyes, cheeks burning.

"I wanted to name them with you..."

/Cute./

To be honest, Dazai can't deny that he's been thinking of what to+

name their kids, too. There are endless possibilities, along with a plethora of ways to spell a single name. It was a difficult decision, but he's already set on a name.

He saw one that he really liked in Chuuya's notebook, and he's been brainstorming ideas for another one that+

he thinks would be perfect to match, because he knows his partner is a closeted dork that would be excited about their babies having names that fit together.

Dazai puts a hand on Chuuya's belly, smile /soft/ as he envisions the child he still can't believe his lover will give+

birth to soon.

"How about Haruko (sun child, depending on how you write the kanji)?"

Remembering the name Chuuya has circled in red, Dazai can't help but smile at how cheesy it'll be.

"Haruko," he repeats, poking at Chuuya's belly. Then, he pats his own belly,+

"and Tsukiko (moon child)."

The familiar name has the redhead's eyes widening. He didn't know that Dazai was aware of the name he had chosen, but hearing it from his lips solidified that it was the name he wanted for his child.

"It's perfect."

~

+

The day they go into labor, no one actually knows about it, until the ADA gets a phone call from a cool-headed Dazai, who casually tells Kunikida that the baby wants to come out.

"What do you mean you're driving yourselves to the hospital?!"

"I told Chuuya to wait for someone,+

but he told me to either fuck off or get in the car."

And that's how the local hospital receives an influx of visitors from both the ADA and Port Mafia, all of who are battling to accompany the fathers-to-be in labor. Unfortunately, only one person is allowed to be in the room+

for each laboring man.

The honor is given to Kouyou and Kunikida, who are rushed to suit up in the appropriate gear to enter the delivery room and provide their support. While the redheaded woman's appearance brings a smile to Chuuya's face, the blond's earns a hearty laugh+

from Dazai, who takes a second to distract himself from the doctor's performing the C-section to the man, who looks like he might piss himself from all the surgical equipment being used on the brunet.

Overall, the operation takes an hour tops, from start to finish.+

From how red-faced and sweaty Kunikida is by the time the doctors have properly stitched Dazai up, one would assume /he/ was the one having a baby cut out of him.

"I've seen more of you than I ever wanted to see in my life," Kunikida says stoically, expression softening into a+

relieved smile when the nurse hands Dazai his crying baby girl.

"She's tinier than Chuuya," he says quietly as her cries gradually lessen when in his arms, eyes gleaming with what can only be /love/ for the human he created.

Kunikida watches his partner fondly as he pokes at+

her cheek, recoiling slightly as her eyelids begin to open, revealing dark eyes that are a perfect copy of Dazai's. It's, perhaps, the one thing that upon first glance resembles him, since the few strands of hair that she has is copper, like her other father.+

Everything that follows is a blur as the nurses take the baby away for a brief assessment of her vitals and to ensure that everything is in order. Dazai is also maneuvered into the recovery room to get him comfortably settled. No sooner than later is the little girl returned to+

the brunet, who is instructed to start feeding the little one.

"Tsukiko, eat a lot, so you don't end up staying as tiny as papa, ok?"

"I heard that, asshole."

Turning his head to peek at the door, Dazai finds his husband being wheeled in by the same nurses from earlier.+

Dazai just laughs, focusing on the baby, while Chuuya gets comfy in the bed next his. Usually, one patient occupies one postpartum room, but arrangements were made for the two husbands. Whether that's a good thing or not, who knows?

The couple are simply happy to be able to+

have both babies in the same room, so that they can take care of them together--with the additional help of the nurses and their loved ones, of course.

Chuuya leans over in his bed to get a look at his daughter, instantly awed by her features. "She has your eyes."+

"I know." Dazai coos at the little girl, whose eyes have begun to flutter closed. "So pretty."

When the other baby is finally brought into the room, Tsukiko is fast asleep, and Chuuya's attention is shifted to feeding him, too. At Dazai's insistence, the redhead positions the+

baby, so that he can properly see his face, and his heart just melts, because little Haruko has his papa's bright blue eyes and is staring at the brunet in pure wonderment. His heart practically /bursts/ when he reaches his tiny hand out to him, but alas, Dazai is confined to+

his bed, leaving him to mourn holding his son.

"Daddy's kinda weird," Chuuya whispers loud enough for Dazai to hear, "you may be as handsome as him, but don't inherit his strange personality, ok?"

It's an insult, a harsh jab to his /stunning/ personality, but all Dazai hears+

is Chuuya calling him handsome.

"Ooh~ /Someone/ thinks I'm attractive," he teases.

Chuuya scoffs, not bothering to hide his flushed cheeks. "You're slightly above average /at best/."

"Mhm. Sure." Dazai closes his eyes, smug. "Haruko, I think your papa has a crush on me."+

Chuuya gags, pretending to vomit over the edge of the bed.

"Who'd be crazy enough to crush on /you/?"

Without skipping a beat, Dazai adds, "The same person, who was crazy enough to marry /and/ start a family with me."

Repositioning the baby that begins to fuss, Chuuya casts+

his eyes downwards, simultaneously biting back a grin.

"Yikes, how's that going for ya?"

If he were to look now, Chuuya would see an expression that /screams/ how stupidly in love Dazai is with him, hearts in his eyes and all, similar to his own.

"I think it's going alright."

/// It's not my best work, but I hope you all still enjoyed! Stay tuned for cute little extras!! ^^ ///

[EXTRA 1]

Woman: Aw, your baby is so cute!

Dazai, proudly showing off Tsukiko: Isn't she? But you know what's cuter than one baby?

Dazai, doing a 180: TWO babies!

Woman: ???

Dazai, nervously sweating: There's no baby on my back, is there...?

Woman: *shakes her head*

+

Dazai, sweating even more: Chuuya's gonna kill me

Chuuya, appearing out of nowhere with Haruko strapped to his chest: You can bet your ass I am

Dazai was banished to the couch that night

[EXTRA 2: When The Kids Visit The PM]

Dazai: Remember what I told you, if you run into mean old Mori-san?

Tsukiko & Haruko: Run in the opposite direction!

Dazai: Good! :D

[EXTRA 3: Visiting the PM pt. 2]

Dazai: Your papa is unfairly handsome but also dense. If you see anyone that isn't daddy trying to talk to him, you have to start crying, so they go away. It's your job to save him or else they'll take him from us, ok?

Tsukiko & Haruko: Ok!

[EXTRA 4]

The kids, unquestioningly, always go with Dazai to work, and they think everyone is really nice, especially their cool Uncle Kunikida.

Dazai: How about me? You think daddy is cool too, right?

Tsukiko: Papa says you're lame

Haruko, nodding along: I trust Papa!

+

Dazai, sulking: Betrayed by my own flesh and blood

Haruko: It's ok, daddy. We still love you!

The consolatory hugs and kisses he gets does little to soothe the burn of being labelled lame, but oh well, at least he knows he's loved.

/// I'm getting a little carried away with headcanons now, so I think I'll complete this thread here Thank you to everyone that joined me on this journey. I hope it was worth it!! ///