so guys. guys. I've actually watched very few classic horror movies on account of fear not making my list of top five favorite emotions. but I've got nothing else going on tonight and I'm thinking it's about time I start educating myself - so what would you recommend? -R

allllll righty you all know the drill by now -R

all righty I need to real quick upload a video for the fourth time today (warner bros is being RUTHLESS with the copyright claims) but then it's Thing time

okiedokes, we'll see in about forty minutes if I've corrupted the footage enough for WB to have mercy, in the meantime let's get Thing'd

oh cool, we're just leading with a whole-ass flying saucer

okay props, the parallax from this helicopter shot already has me uneasy and vaguely nauseous

aw puppo sweet good boi fluffer lookit that extremely trustworthy face

pouring your cool-guy glass of whiskey into the communal chess computer while hundreds of miles from tech support is the REAL crime and I'm now fully rooting against Kurt Russel

talk about a… cold open

awwww, poor norwegian guy, hero of a different story

talk about a… cold reception

ok I'll stop

Stop Touching The Dog Please

okay I never have any luck remembering character's names but I think that's actually intentional here, I don't think anyone's been namedropped which makes it harder to keep track of who's been petting the dog

how dare this movie take advantage of my deep-seated love of dogs like this

honestly though, keeping the camera on the not-dog is brilliant because it lets us see how strangely slow and calculating its movements are - also putting the camera on a character inclines us to get in their head, so we start thinking of it as a thinking being before the reveal

also in hindsight, creepy that it hasn't made a sound

this spooky burned-out facility is indeed very spooky but it also looks much more frozen-over than one would expect, considering those dudes with the chopper flew in This Morning

guys don't worry that's just the iceblock they had megatron in

I'm trying to take in the horror but I'm struggling to see past Kurt Russel's incredibly luxurious hair

why the space fuck would you bring the mangled melted corpsecicle back with you

oh yea let's do an autopsy what could go wrong hey it's probably fine if you don't even wear gloves in fact why not just LICK IT

oh cool organs

story-wise I'm like, ahhhh it's not a real dog, but critically I'm like, ahhhhh what a well-trained good boi that husky actor is

oh NO and the huskies jumping up like they're calling for help HOW DARE YOU HURT THE DOGS LIKE THIS AAAAAAA

I think "weird and pissed off" is a hell of an understatement here

the black guy just realized he was in a horror movie and had a brief moment of crushing existential dread before unloading with the flamethrower

stop touching the things

I can't help but notice those rubber gloves cover very little surface area when you're elbow-deep in a goddamn ribcage

red vest guy sus, I notice he's the one reacting in the background when they're discussing how it mimics other life forms

beard dog guy sus

so I guess at this point the question is, does The Thing absorb its host consciousness or overwrite it? Does the host feel it happening or not? Is there anything left of them, or is it just an imitation?

holy shit that IS keith david

man I should rewatch gargoyles

dirty shirt chekov's gun alert, methinks someone had a rough transformation

initially typed "methonks" and might be losing it a bit

okay this magic computer giving convenient plot projections is the only time the 80s-ness of this movie has jarred me a bit

red vest guy MAD sus and I love how they keep him out of focus in the background but still staring at the foreground characters

oh no! someone spilled ketchup all over bennings's vest!

ohhhhhhhhhh jesus h christmas that's an effective reveal

that said I'm with The Thing on this one, hands are really hard to get right

honestly the doctor guy has the right idea smashing up all the ways out, we just don't think of him as the hero because he doesn't look like kurt russel

okaaaaay the stock punch sound effect turned that scene from dramatic to hilarious

which one is clark again

if only these guys were conveniently color-coded or something

SABOTAGE:
-comms
-choppers
-blood fridge

okay so the rule is, in order to infect someone, the Thing needs to be alone with them somewhere private - it's not like a single-touch creeping infection

I feel like horror movies sometimes treat their ensembe casts as, like, meat for the grinder rather than characters in their own right - these guys are lucky if they get a single noteworthy character trait

we got the guy who roller-skates everywhere, the doctor, the old guy, and then like eight other people

no wait, a single particle can infect someone? now I'm confused

Fix Lights (0/1)

ooooh, sowing dissent with the audience by making us think it might be mac

I do not trust anyone in a horror movie who says "I'm much better"

ooh, glasses-man saw Mac's shredded-up jacket and then died before telling anyone, which means that reveal was ONLY for the audience

"We're going to my shack."
"What the hell for?"
"Cuz when I left last night I turned the lights off."

oh never mind, one if them found the jacket, time for sus

threatening to blow up the whole facility starting with himself is a pretty compelling argument for not being The Thing tbh

okay so this blonde dude looked kinda ill and uncomfortable earlier and his ribcage just opened to eat the doctor's arms, which makes me think he could actually feel it taking over him, which is Horrifying

this dude should quit while he's… a head

oh thank fuck they noticed the spider head

there have to be more efficient ways to draw blood than that

think they're deliberately making this guy look more suspicious to throw me off

yep he's all good

aw, dog-guy clark was fine

and suddenly tying them all together seems like a terrible idea

and it was the dude who was quiet and cooperative the whole time, no surprise there

think this movie putting the focus on mac torching the thing kind of overlooked the utter horror of the three guys tied up in the room with their mangled just-mauled teammate slowly reanimating and prepping to assimilate them

there's fifteen minutes left in the movie and both black dudes are still alive, which is damned impressive

all right guys, think this through, there's no goddamn way blaire could've dug that tunnel if he were human so STOP CALLING FOR HIM HE'S NOT BLAIRE ANYMORE

Fix Lights (0/1)

yayyy explosions

oh yea ten minutes left in the movie shapeshifting alien on the loose now is the PERFECT time to split up to set the charges

hooooolyyyyyy shiiiiiiiit

horror movies always show their hand with the foley work. when it's getting too quiet for too long, you know they're setting you up for The Big One

cool cool cool coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool

welp, fingers crossed that killed it

two bros chilling in a burning arctic research facility five feet apart cuz they might be parasitic shapeshifting alien horrors

holy ambiguous ending batman