All the times in my life that I let my room get filthy. I didn’t shower or brush my hair. I ate nothing at all or ate way too much. All the times I threw on clothes not caring what they were. I lost my sense of self So many times. The personal shame I’ve felt knowing how bad https://twitter.com/salenby/status/1317975442138288130

I was sometimes. most of my family made it all 100 times worse. I didn’t do the dishes? Couldn’t keep up with the laundry? I know I’m sorry. I’m trying. Didn’t finish a project? I tried. I was told to stop being a pig and stop being lazy. That I never finish or remember anything.

Yesterday I was feeling really good. I somehow managed to have the energy and motivation to catch up with some laundry and do some dishes. I told my sister. She immediately congratulated me and told me she was proud of me. That she knew how hard that was. I cried.

That was the first time I confided in her and the first time a family member ever encouraged me like that. If my family had done that from the very beginning. I would be in a much different place. But instead they shit on me. made me feel guilt and shame and called me lazy.

I’ve always been ashamed to admit that even my closest friends and therapists how bad things have gotten before because of the shame thats been ingrained in me for not being able to always care for myself.

This is a long ramble. mostly for me to vent. But if anybody reads this thread I want you to know you shouldn’t be ashamed of your struggles. My account will always be a safe space for anyone suffering with mental illness. Especially for those who suffer from the “gross” parts.