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Okay, long thread about what it& #39;s like FOR ME to be a & #39;Wounded Healer& #39; i.e. a psychiatrist (SpR) from a Brown, Asian & Minority Ethnic (BAME) background who has lived experience of mental illness. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPACT OF RACISM. I have felt de-humanized because of 1/
the complexion of my skin & my ethnicity. STRUCTURAL RACISM IS REAL. The looks of disgust, the microaggressions, THE PAIN IS SO DEEP. Also, I feel I& #39;ve had to work A LOT harder than people from non-BAME backgrounds. I feel like I always have to look over my shoulder because 2/
I& #39;m a BAME psychiatrist with a history of mental illness, like someone is just waiting to pounce upon me the moment I make a mistake. It& #39;s not a way to live life, it is deeply unsettling. But the truth is that I& #39;ve been attacked MANY times before & each day I 3/
I live with the fear that I will be the victim of bullying & harassment again. I left my family behind me in Lebanon when I was 17. THIS ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED ME. I& #39;m 38 now & I& #39;m still processing what happened all those years ago. It is not like I could just show up at 4/
Parent& #39;s house when life became unbearable. I wish I could. I see my parents twice a year if I& #39;m lucky. They are growing older without me and IT BREAKS MY HEART. I lived in relative poverty. I started off as a janitor on minimum wage & as a stock advisor stacking shelves 5/
I had to work full-time whilst preparing for A-Levels. THIS WAS A CONSTANT THREAT TO SECURING THE GRADES NECESSARY TO GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL. I did all of this whilst I was away from my family, adjusting to an alien culture & and I WAS JUST A TEENAGER. People would LAUGH 6/
AT MY FACE WHEN I SAID I DREAMT OF BEING A DOCTOR. I was sensitive, I gave them the license to make me feel like I didn& #39;t have what it takes. I worked extremely hard & got into medical school AGAINST THE ODDS. I EXPERIENCED AN IDENTITY CRISIS. I felt like I didn& #39;t belong, most 7/
of the other students were from higher socioeconomic backgrounds, their parents would pay for everything, they would go on holidays when term was over & I would work. I developed a severe episode of mental illness. My medical school MADE LIFE HELL FOR ME. I had to take a year 8/
out & repeat 2 years. THIS MADE MY FINANCIAL SITUATION UNBEARABLE. I& #39;M STILL LIVING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES TO THIS DAY. My mind was mutilated by someone who calls himself a doctor. It was his word against mine, no-one believed me & he got away with it. IF IT ISN& #39;T WRITTEN DOWN 9/
IT DIDN& #39;T HAPPEN. BUT IT DID HAPPEN. I was ostracised, shunned, dehumanized. NOONE WANTED TO KNOW ME BACK THEN. It was so bad I was suicidal. I don& #39;t know what it& #39;s like to hear voices, or have recurrent & obtrusive obsessions. Each person& #39;s lived experience of mental illness 10/
is unique. But I know how hurtful it is for people to look down on you because of your ethnicity, socioeconomic background, history of mental illness, I know the symptoms of mental illness can be debilitating yet many people ridicule you as if you& #39;re not experiencing a & #39;real 11/
disease& #39;. I know that I WOULD NEVER WANT ANYONE TO FEEL THE WAY I FELT, THAT I WOULD NEVER WANT TO BE A SOURCE OF STIGMA. I WOULD NEVER WANT ANYONE TO FEEL ASHAMED. I know how vulnerable & afraid a person with mental illness can feel, I know how important it is to feel 12/
Someone is listening to you & is dignifying you. I know how important non-verbal communication is, how important words are & the look that comes from your eyes when you are with someone who has mental illness. My lived experience of mental illness has taught me the importance 13/
14/ of being kind, gentle & humble, how far-reaching the effects of mental illness can be for family & loved ones. I know that people with mental illness can succumb to despair & that the suffering & struggling can drive people with mental illness to end their own lives 14/
I know how important it is to instil hope into the hearts & minds of people who have mental illness, to be honest & truthful. To emphasise, each person& #39;s experience of mental illness is unique, but as a BAME psychiatrist with lived experience, I want you to know that I& #39;m 15/
There for you, that I will listen to you when you are ready to talk & share, that I know how frightened & afraid you are. It may take time for you to open up & for me to earn trust. THIS IS A SAFE SPACE. I don& #39;t know what YOUR LIVED EXPERIENCE FEELS LIKE FOR YOU 16/
