sometimes a girl wants some buy-herself-a-knife money https://twitter.com/aliceavizandum/status/1308286759206137856
‘but aren’t you making money selling the PA Secret Service cards?’ those are catastrophically unprofitable because I keep giving them away for free to hot European girls, who turn out to be 95% of our audience
ladies, there’s a return address on there if you ever felt like, writing back 


my plan is - if I can afford it - to get a nice horn handle knife to carry around, and then this tacky £9.95 piece of shit to live in my bra because fuck you
I can’t resist picking up one of these stupid cheap Rough Rider brand knives every time I buy a knife, because they’re like ten to fifteen bucks, always come with an engraving or some weird gacha-ass limited edition handle, and I am a sucker for these things
so I’ll just have a hideous, like, VIETNAM POW/MIA - THIS WAS DEFINITELY A THING, RAMBO II WAS A DOCUMENTARY knife that I use for six months to cut open packages and just absolutely beat the shit out of, leave in a rain barrel, etc, then it falls apart and I buy a new one
meanwhile the nice knife that I actually spent money on gets cleaned and sharpened once a week and totally untouched because it’s too nice to use
the thing is that I enjoy disrespecting veterans and their service so I don’t care if I chip this, which I will
imagine you go out there and get all kinds of fucked up shit done to you, or by you, and you come home and you buy a $12 knife about it
well, *I’m* buying that $12 knife, because I need a knife and they’re always at clearance prices on knife websites. you’re welcome for my service
they make a bunch of confederate ones too but that’s a bridge too far for me. might as well use an SS dagger to get into my mail
1 $12 = 1 additional war I will implicitly claim to have been in http://paypal.me/Avizandum/12
unfortunately because these are so cheap once they’re gone they’re just gone, which is also part of the gacha appeal to me, otherwise I would leap at getting a love, peace and friendship leg knife