sometimes a girl wants some buy-herself-a-knife money https://twitter.com/aliceavizandum/status/1308286759206137856

‘but aren’t you making money selling the PA Secret Service cards?’ those are catastrophically unprofitable because I keep giving them away for free to hot European girls, who turn out to be 95% of our audience

ladies, there’s a return address on there if you ever felt like, writing back

my plan is - if I can afford it - to get a nice horn handle knife to carry around, and then this tacky £9.95 piece of shit to live in my bra because fuck you

I can’t resist picking up one of these stupid cheap Rough Rider brand knives every time I buy a knife, because they’re like ten to fifteen bucks, always come with an engraving or some weird gacha-ass limited edition handle, and I am a sucker for these things

so I’ll just have a hideous, like, VIETNAM POW/MIA - THIS WAS DEFINITELY A THING, RAMBO II WAS A DOCUMENTARY knife that I use for six months to cut open packages and just absolutely beat the shit out of, leave in a rain barrel, etc, then it falls apart and I buy a new one

meanwhile the nice knife that I actually spent money on gets cleaned and sharpened once a week and totally untouched because it’s too nice to use

just whipping this absolute horseshit knife out to open up a box containing a much nicer knife

the thing is that I enjoy disrespecting veterans and their service so I don’t care if I chip this, which I will

do a portion of the sales of this knife go towards veterans’ causes? my goodness no, they do not

imagine you go out there and get all kinds of fucked up shit done to you, or by you, and you come home and you buy a $12 knife about it

well, *I’m* buying that $12 knife, because I need a knife and they’re always at clearance prices on knife websites. you’re welcome for my service

they make a bunch of confederate ones too but that’s a bridge too far for me. might as well use an SS dagger to get into my mail

1 $12 = 1 additional war I will implicitly claim to have been in http://paypal.me/Avizandum/12 

they also have some deeply weird themed ones. I’m not Irish but my knife is

imagine getting murdered by any of these but especially the last one

unfortunately because these are so cheap once they’re gone they’re just gone, which is also part of the gacha appeal to me, otherwise I would leap at getting a love, peace and friendship leg knife