Read on Twitter
I have the urge to play Stardew Valley again, so here’s a thread where I roast you based on who you chose to marry.
If you chose Alex, you’re basic. You read Amish romanace novels and have a Pinterest board dedicated to your fall themed, country chic wedding. You probably peaked in high school and desperately want to relive your glory days. Or you just like himbos, idk.
If you picked Elliot, you still think Twilight is romantic and that people are too hard on it. You have a collection of classic literature prominently displayed so visitors will know you’re cultured. You may or may not have actually read them. Or you just like long hair on men.
If you picked Harvey, you have a Jane Austen approach to marriage. Better to have a boring, yet consistently reliable & decent man rather than a flashy, romantic risk. You think a cubicle job might be kind of nice because at least it’s consistent. Or you just want to marry rich.
If you picked Sam, you’ve imagined, read, or written self insert fanfic about meeting and falling in love with your favorite band member. You want to be a groupie, but not like *other* groupies, you know? You like your partners to be fixer uppers. Or you just like Goku hair.
If you picked Sebastian, you 100% have daddy issues. At some point in your life, you complained about an indie band selling out for a label. You’re ridiculously proud about not liking “mainstream” things. You’re most likely depressed and bisexual. Or you just like emo aesthetic.
If you picked Shane, you feel like your life is completely out of control and you desperately want to feel like you can fix something for once. You’re absolutely self projecting here and should probably bring it up to your therapist. Or you just like dramatic story options.
If you picked Abigail, you are either bisexual, a lesbian, or a gamer dude. You want a woman who can and will step on you. You are obsessed with video games or D&D. I’m honestly having a hard time roasting you. Or you just picked the closest option to an anime waifu.
If you picked Emily, you want a manic pixie dream girl to magically give your life purpose and meaning. You still think that being random for no reason is quirky and funny. Half your personality is being obsessed with frogs or birds. Or you’re just so, SO, very gay.
If you chose Haley, you want to be the manic pixie dream girl. You might be over estimating how much your personality makes up for your other shortcomings. You’ve definitely made a habit of crushing on people way out of your league. Or you just like blondes.
If you picked Leah, you’re either a cottagecore lesbian or someone who is has a long history of crushing on people who turn out to be lesbians. You probably suck at expressing your feelings and never know when people are hitting on you. Or you just like art.
If you picked Maru, you want a woman who can intellectually dominate you. You’re probably into sub/dom relationships and you’re definitely a sub. You want to be a trophy spouse and coast off your partner’s success. Or you were just excited to see a non-white marriage candidate.
If you picked Penny, you’re either a white knight, a book worm, or you have a mommy kink. You either want to feel like you can fix her life or want her to dominate you. You probably look up sexy librarian porn on the regular. Or you just like red heads, idk.
