A Story of Motherhood, a thread:
CW: coming out, toxic parent

When I was in my early 20’s, I flew to Memphis to help with a middle school musical production. It was a weird time in life.
Anyway, on the way back home I was seated next to a woman in her late 50’s.
1/14

We were flying into LaGuardia, so I asked her “what brings you to New York?” She looked a little uneasy and I didn’t know if she was nervous about NYC, or the flight or whatever, but I couldn’t help but want to put her at ease.
She said, “I am going to meet my son’s fiancé”.
2/14

I responded “That’s wonderful! How exciting for you and your son.”
She waited a minute, and said “He’s marrying a man. He’s gay.”
For reference it’s 2011 and she clearly wasn’t sure if she was ok saying what she just said.
I said, “Well that’s great. What’s his fiancé like?”
3/14

She told me he did interior design in NY, and her son had just told her and her husband about his engagement and it was all very overwhelming.
I asked her if she was ok, she seemed so emotional. And it was just the 2 of us in our row... and she told me her story.
4/14

It came forth easily, like she had just been dying to talk to someone about it for so long. I never pried or asked pointed questions, I just let her tell me what she wanted to, and I listened.
She told me she grew up catholic & republican, she married a catholic republican
5/14

They had a son, and he was her world. He grew up, and grew away from her. One day he told his parents that he was gay, and the woman’s husband threw him out.
They didn’t speak about him, or to him for a long time. She missed him, but she was doing what she knew to do.
6/14

She stood by her husband, and her church and her “views”, and she condemned her son.

Then her son called to say he was getting married, and wanted them to be involved if they wanted to be.

She spoke to her husband, expressed that she wanted to be involved. He said no.
7/14

She told me it hit her very suddenly and violently, that this was wrong. All of it.
She told me that she had just left her husband, moved out, and was getting a divorce.
She decided to leave the church, and was reading books on Buddhism and other religious practices.
8/14

The next words out of her mouth, permeated my soul and have never left me. Now that I am a mom, they’re even more sacred to me.

With tears in her eyes she said “If that god is going to to condemn my son, and call him wrong... I don’t want that god.”
9/14

She continued “I love my son more than I want that life.”

“I’m sad for my husband that he will miss this, and for my son that his dad won’t be there, but I will be. I’m choosing my son.”

I got chills. I cried.
10/14

I told her if more parents were like her, the world would be a better place. That I though she was brave, and for what it was worth from a complete stranger, I supported her and was proud of her.

We talked for the entire flight.

11/14

When we landed I saw her hug her son, and she went to the rest room.

I went up to this man, and said “I sat next to your mother on the plane. She talked about you the whole time. She loves you so much, and is so proud of you. Congratulations on your engagement.”
12/14

I have carried this story with me since then. And now when I think about the kind of mother I want to be, I think about her.
The love I have for my child will always win. It will always be the biggest force in my life. And I wish that for every parent.
13/14

I hope this story touches you the way it did me. Encourages you to love with bravery, question the institutions that ask you to cut off your love, and defy those who would keep you from love.
That’s it. I’m just thinking of her today, and hoping she is happy, with her son.
14/14