Yesterday I got a DM from a girl who just turned 18 and said she saw everyone talking about getting a sugar daddy and thought that indicated that it was a good time to start. First, I would never recommend anyone start sugaring, and especially if they're younger than ~25. 1/8

But I hope young women and queer people understand the deep- seated resentment these guys have about paying for your time, and the many ugly ways it seeps out. I hope they understand that these guys often use their power as the sole source of your income to mess w/ you. 2/8

Even when they start out nice. Please understand that these guys often feel humiliated and want to humiliate you in return. Or they feel entitled to your time, your body, your inner world, in a way that starts to cross boundaries and become intrusive. You have to CONSTANTLY 3/8

enforce your boundaries with them. After they form a relationship with you and probably even fall in love, they may feel like since they're paying your bills, they own you, and you will have to choose to walk away or constantly fight to protect your boundaries. (Walk away.) 4/8

There is no way I a college-aged young woman is prepared for this. A middle-aged man with all that life experience, who pays your bills, is going to push your boundaries and probably get away with a lot of it, and you're going to blame the wrong person: 5/8

yourself. Meanwhile, people in your support system that you thought you could count on are going to judge you or act like you asked for it. It's not right, but that's how it goes. You may find yourself alone, fighting a battle over your dignity and rent with a powerful man. 6/8

Finally, this is a TERRIBLE time to start. The reason people are joking about getting a sugar daddy online is that the economy is bad due to the pandemic. During times like these, predatory men come out in droves looking for financially desperate women to take advantage of. 7/8

Many women are starting due to the bad economy, which means more competition. A lot of them are looking for almost non-existent virtual arrangements, but there's still the appearance of competition. It's the worst possible time to start, so if you can avoid it, do. 8/8