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1. At the risk of engaging a tired subject, I want to talk briefly about one specific aspect of this wanking-during-a-Zoom-call thing. My standard position on generalities applies: they& #39;re useful in examining patterns, so I don& #39;t disclaim/explain every single one to death.
2. I don& #39;t care about Toobin or follow him as a commentator. I& #39;m not talking at all about his (perhaps relevant!) history, his political identity, his personal life, any of it. I want to talk about my reaction/experiences, and the reactions I& #39;m seeing.
3. I don& #39;t think masturbation is gross, or that nobody should do it during the day, or that sex stuff on video (in any number of possible reasonable contexts) is gross, or that employees should get stomped on for VERY UNDERSTANDABLE messes or accidents or quirks of online work.
4. What I& #39;m noticing, though, is a lot of men urging understanding and compassion in a very let-him-off-the-hook way, and a lot of women having to go "But...?! Why? How does it work this way for you?!" So I want to talk about a) time and b) needs, wants, and self-determination.
5. I believe in flexible work and humane balance. Tracking every single supposedly-paid minute of a workday is neither healthy nor productive. But I& #39;ve also been very thoroughly socialized to understand that when my time is actively spoken for, I& #39;m accountable to others.
6. This may have something to do with the fact that I& #39;m a woman. In a Zoom meeting that I& #39;d become bored with, it would not even occur to me to take that time and assign it to something so completely divorced from the activity, and so ripe for disrespectful accident.
7. IT WOULDN& #39;T CROSS MY MIND. I& #39;d read something in another tab. I& #39;d go through my emails. I& #39;d watch cat videos with the sound off. Hell, I& #39;d scroll through Twitter. I& #39;d do something that preserves the minimum framework of "I& #39;m here because I said I& #39;d be here for the duration."
8. Worst case, cat vid sounds come on at an inopportune time, and I turn it off. I don& #39;t think I& #39;d feel compelled to use a (possible?) ten-minute break as an opportunity for a live sex call, while the other call was still live. I would not create that situation. Maybe I& #39;m weird?
9. Masturbating during the "workday," who cares. Less than 100% attention to a work call, same, don& #39;t care. Having such a warped worldview that the inappropriateness of the *basic conditions* created by masturbating at the computer during a live call doesn& #39;t occur to you? No!
10. And it *is* a warped view. It& #39;s the kind of position that only very privileged people get to take—to move directly from impulse to action without the barest contemplation of consequences. "Bad things don& #39;t usually happen to me, and even if they do, everything will be fine."
11. This disparity in what I think of as Socially Required Anxiety is especially pernicious around sex. You know it, I know it, we all know it. The ways we require women and men to socially conceptualize sexual behavior and demands are completely different.
