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How I& #39;d write this
MURRAY: Right. We& #39;ve texted the MPs. To try and pick them off one by one
TUCKER: Texted them?
MURRAY: Yes
TUCKER: Now?
MURRAY: Yes
TUCKER: While they& #39;re all standing together, next to Andy fucking Burnham, on fucking LIVE TV?!
MURRAY: Oh
TUCKER: FUCKING & #39;OH& #39;?! https://twitter.com/lewis_goodall/status/1318584283049693186">https://twitter.com/lewis_goo...
MURRAY: Right. We& #39;ve texted the MPs. To try and pick them off one by one
TUCKER: Texted them?
MURRAY: Yes
TUCKER: Now?
MURRAY: Yes
TUCKER: While they& #39;re all standing together, next to Andy fucking Burnham, on fucking LIVE TV?!
MURRAY: Oh
TUCKER: FUCKING & #39;OH& #39;?! https://twitter.com/lewis_goodall/status/1318584283049693186">https://twitter.com/lewis_goo...
MURRAY: Okay, that may have been a mistake.
TUCKER: A fucking mistake?! You fucking think so Nicola?
GLENN: They might not show him.
TUCKER: They might not show him?! They might not show little fucking Harry Stark? Or Robb Potter? Or whatever the fuck his internet meme is now?!
TUCKER: A fucking mistake?! You fucking think so Nicola?
GLENN: They might not show him.
TUCKER: They might not show him?! They might not show little fucking Harry Stark? Or Robb Potter? Or whatever the fuck his internet meme is now?!
GLENN: Well they might not.
TUCKER: Well I tell you what Glenn, why don& #39;t I turn on the TV and... oh look.
GLENN: Oh.
TUCKER: Oh yes. Glenn. Welcome to the fucking & #39;Oh& #39; club. Current members: You two and fucking Skeletors minions.
TUCKER: Well I tell you what Glenn, why don& #39;t I turn on the TV and... oh look.
GLENN: Oh.
TUCKER: Oh yes. Glenn. Welcome to the fucking & #39;Oh& #39; club. Current members: You two and fucking Skeletors minions.
JAMIE: That& #39;s a bit harsh, Malcolm.
TUCKER: Oh is it, Jamie? Which bit exactly?
JAMIE: Um...
TUCKER: No, do speak up. Or - tell you what - how about I go on live TV and you can text it to me?
JAMIE: Um.. the Skeletor bit.
TUCKER: Oh is it, Jamie? Which bit exactly?
JAMIE: Um...
TUCKER: No, do speak up. Or - tell you what - how about I go on live TV and you can text it to me?
JAMIE: Um.. the Skeletor bit.
TUCKER: Oh aye. You know what. That& #39;s fucking fair enough.
GLENN: What?
JAMIE: It is?
TUCKER: Aye, you& #39;re right. I& #39;m being fucking unfair Skeletor& #39;s minions. Because even they had fucking uses. You could at least wipe your fucking ARSE on Beastman. Glenn here would just slide off
GLENN: What?
JAMIE: It is?
TUCKER: Aye, you& #39;re right. I& #39;m being fucking unfair Skeletor& #39;s minions. Because even they had fucking uses. You could at least wipe your fucking ARSE on Beastman. Glenn here would just slide off
MURRAY: Steady on Malcolm.
TUCKER: Steady on?!
MURRAY: Mistakes have been made and we need to...
TUCKER: Mistakes have NOT been made, Nicola. Mistakes are not dipping your hand in your pocket and pulling out a measely extra five million to stop the fucking north rebelling.
TUCKER: Steady on?!
MURRAY: Mistakes have been made and we need to...
TUCKER: Mistakes have NOT been made, Nicola. Mistakes are not dipping your hand in your pocket and pulling out a measely extra five million to stop the fucking north rebelling.
TUCKER: This isn& #39;t a mistake. This is a fuck up. That is a whole other level. A fuck up is when you take fucking northern penfold, fucking.... Andy Pandy there, and turn him into the biggest fucking northern hero since William fucking Wallace.
JAMIE: Um.
TUCKER: Oh, it& #39;s the fucking Um club again. The only bunch more fucking useless than the Oh club. What?
JAMIE: Hereward the Wake.
TUCKER: You what?
JAMIE: You said William Wallace.
TUCKER: And?
JAMIE: You meant Hereward the Wake.
TUCKER: Oh, it& #39;s the fucking Um club again. The only bunch more fucking useless than the Oh club. What?
JAMIE: Hereward the Wake.
TUCKER: You what?
JAMIE: You said William Wallace.
TUCKER: And?
JAMIE: You meant Hereward the Wake.
MURRAY: Gents, i& #39;m not sure this is the time to be arguing about medieval...
TUCKER: Shush
MURRAY: Righto
TUCKER: I meant Wallace.
JAMIE: No, okay, it& #39;s just Hereward the Wake was the one from Lincolnshire. Wallace was a Scot
TUCKER: No he wasn& #39;t.
TUCKER: Shush
MURRAY: Righto
TUCKER: I meant Wallace.
JAMIE: No, okay, it& #39;s just Hereward the Wake was the one from Lincolnshire. Wallace was a Scot
TUCKER: No he wasn& #39;t.
JAMIE: Um...
TUCKER: Jamie, are you really going to fucking stand there, and argue with ME about who is Scottish and who isn& #39;t?
GLENN: Jamie, that does sound like a bad...
TUCKER: You can shush too.
GLENN: Righto.
JAMIE: Sorry, but Wallace was Scottish.
TUCKER: Jamie, are you really going to fucking stand there, and argue with ME about who is Scottish and who isn& #39;t?
GLENN: Jamie, that does sound like a bad...
TUCKER: You can shush too.
GLENN: Righto.
JAMIE: Sorry, but Wallace was Scottish.
TUCKER: Jamie, I& #39;ve seen Braveheart. And let me tell you right now. If you think that man was fucking Scottish. I am going to put my hand so far down your throat I could reach out your arse and text a Manchester MP with it, live on the fucking BBC.
JAMIE: Righto.
JAMIE: Righto.
TUCKER: Which brings us right back to the fucking issue at hand here.
MURRAY: Right. So tell me how I make things better.
TUCKER: We& #39;ll you could fucking resign for a start and let someone competent have ago.
MURRAY: Tell me how ELSE I can make things better.
MURRAY: Right. So tell me how I make things better.
TUCKER: We& #39;ll you could fucking resign for a start and let someone competent have ago.
MURRAY: Tell me how ELSE I can make things better.
TUCKER: Well what you do, is you pick up the phone there, and you ring the newly crowned King of the fucking North, while he& #39;s still gathering his fucking armies, and you tell him that WASN& #39;T the full package you planned.
MURRAY: Right. Okay so...
TUCKER: Wait.
MURRAY: What?
TUCKER: What are you doing?
MURRAY: You told me to phone him!
TUCKER: Not fucking now!
MURRAY: Why not?!
TUCKER: Wait.
MURRAY: What?
TUCKER: What are you doing?
MURRAY: You told me to phone him!
TUCKER: Not fucking now!
MURRAY: Why not?!
TUCKER: Anyone in the room?! Any members of the Oh or Um club want to answer?
JAMIE: Um...
TUCKER: Go on son. Do it for the ums.
JAMIE: Um... because he& #39;s still on TV?
TUCKER: There we go. Good work The Ums. The Ums have it. 1-0 to the Ums.
MURRAY: Oh.
JAMIE: Um...
TUCKER: Go on son. Do it for the ums.
JAMIE: Um... because he& #39;s still on TV?
TUCKER: There we go. Good work The Ums. The Ums have it. 1-0 to the Ums.
MURRAY: Oh.
TUCKER: Jesus Christ Nicola. Let little Andy get off TV, take his mac off and have a little victory wank first. Then ring him. Call me after
MURRAY: You& #39;re going?
TUCKER: Yes. Because I need a fucking pint. Ideally with someone smarter than you lot. Maybe Chris Grayling is around
MURRAY: You& #39;re going?
TUCKER: Yes. Because I need a fucking pint. Ideally with someone smarter than you lot. Maybe Chris Grayling is around
AAAAAND That& #39;s how I& #39;d write The Thick of It: Prime Ministerial edition.
Or reality, as we like to call it these days.
Sigh.
Anyway, you can buy me a beer here if you fancy helping me drown my sorrows at the fact that political satire is impossible now. https://ko-fi.com/garius ">https://ko-fi.com/garius&qu...
Or reality, as we like to call it these days.
Sigh.
Anyway, you can buy me a beer here if you fancy helping me drown my sorrows at the fact that political satire is impossible now. https://ko-fi.com/garius ">https://ko-fi.com/garius&qu...
ADDENDUM: Bingo.
REALLY annoyed that I didn& #39;t spot i& #39;d done it until I& #39;d already done two & #39;Jamie& #39; tweets, and by that point it was too late.
Was a bit fucked off at myself, but figured no point stressing about it. https://twitter.com/laidlaw_stuart/status/1318604094324486147">https://twitter.com/laidlaw_s...
REALLY annoyed that I didn& #39;t spot i& #39;d done it until I& #39;d already done two & #39;Jamie& #39; tweets, and by that point it was too late.
Was a bit fucked off at myself, but figured no point stressing about it. https://twitter.com/laidlaw_stuart/status/1318604094324486147">https://twitter.com/laidlaw_s...
