White dudes will always mount up for other white dudes.

It’s like regulators, but everyone is clapping on the 1 and 3 and some of them are jerking it on zoom

regulators! https://twitter.com/conor64/status/1318333691999911936

mount up! https://twitter.com/brianstelter/status/1318377113037189121

I swear to god, if I have to read a headline from Bret Stephens about how it’s clear cancel culture has run amok when a god fearing man can’t rub one out on a zoom call without consequences, I’m gonna jump out a closed window

I can’t wait for the op-ed that attempts to analyze the white working class through a lens of crank yanking

jerking off during work zoom calls is elitist due to lack of internet connectivity in the Rust Belt

Zoom dick is a symptom of systemic economic anxiety

With the rising costs of healthcare, zoom dick has become an epidemic

“I spoke to 7 trump voters who were all in a diner jerking off on zoom. I wanted to get their thoughts on the administration’s covid task force response, but it quickly became a very sticky situation.”

somebody take my iPad away

Janet Jackson accidentally *cough Timberlake’s fault* showed half of one titty and white America lost its fucking mind.

And I bet not a one of the “before the grace of god wank I” dudes said a word in her defense.

How many of these men ignore the harassment of women who breastfeed in public? How many think breast feeding in public is gross?

I guess I should have said ‘but for the grace of god wank I.’ But before works too. Lol

If you’re mocking Toobin or if you think maybe dudes should quit “accidentally” jerking it on work zoom calls, you’re *squints*—

just a prude and should probably masturbate more. https://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/ny-oped-toobin-and-the-m-word-20201021-sdm3nfc5ejgvxocmyb4r4iuknq-story.html

“NEWSFLASH: Toobin masturbates [on work zoom calls]. But I’m guessing that you do the same, dear reader [No, Bob, I don’t]. Maybe you should stop feeling weird and guilty about that. [So I should stop NOT masturbating on zoom and START masturbating on zoom work calls. Got it.]”

Maybe this is how the patriarchy breaks down. Since—per these Toobinites—we are all required to masturbate at work, women are really the only people who can do that without actually touching themselves, so maybe men should stay home.

omg you guys I just dismantled patriarchy