I am finally getting to Justina Ireland's Deathless Divide and the FIRST KATHERINE POV CHAPTER

M Y

H E A R T

The way she just internally processes and analyzes the hell out of everything and so when she speaks it comes out very controlled and pretentious... God I love her.

I know from the first book that she is aromantic and asexual, but to hear it stated so plainly from her internal perspective makes me want to cry. I love her so much.

Ms. Ireland how dare you. How DARE you. I was already mildly comparing Jane and Katherine to Anakin and Obi-Wan and now you have to cast these very Kenobi-esque internal thoughts from Katherine in my direction. I am overwhelmed, Ms. Ireland.

Why would you do this to me and so early in the novel too? How am I supposed to finish this when I am already overwhelmed a mere two chapters in?

I know this is so far me just gushing over Katherine, but god Jane too. I love her so much, how she acts so tough but feels so deeply.

Katherine proves her friendship to Jane by goading her to engage in fisticuffs to let off steam and grief, because she can take what Jane deals out, but their companions can't, and so Katherine shows her love to all of them - Jane included - by getting into FISTICUFFS.

I am crying. Tears are literally falling because this book is just everything I love painted out with such sincerity.

LIKE KATHERINE GETTING INTO FISTICUFFS WITH JANE BECAUSE SHE LOVES HER FRIEND.

DEATHLESS DIVIDE HAS GIVEN ME PLATONIC, HEARTFELT FISTICUFFS

I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jane: I am unlovable

Katherine: I WILL FIND YOUR GODDAMN LOVE LANGUAGE AND PUNCH YOU WITH IT

"When I was younger, Maman used to call them my 'worrying fits.' I would find myself frozen with indecision for fear that any choice I made would be the wrong one..."

oh KATHERINE

"And for some blasted reason my mind was convinced that if I did not worry through all the possible pitfalls, they would befall me sooner than later."

OH

K A T H E R I N E

I SWEAR TO GOD I LOVE JANE MCKEENE AND ALL HER FIRE TOO AND I NEED HER TO UNDERSTAND HOW LOVED AND HOW WORTHY OF LOVE SHE IS BUT OH. MY. GOD.

K A T H E R I N E

Katherine not understanding Jane's attractions or Sue's desires but by gum trying to be supportive anyway.

Also the way she describes Jane constantly finding people attractive not as a fault, but as proof of Jane loving perhaps more than is safe for her heart... I cry.

Katherine defending Jane's heart to Lily, defending why Jane locked her emotions away. Katherine understanding and loving Jane more than Jane realizes.

I am not okay.

This is the floor crying time.

You got Jane Mckeene who hides how much she loves and wants to be loved behind a tough act, and you got Katherine Deveraux, an aroace who hides how much she feels behind a mask of decorum and control, and because she too hides, she is able to see and love the hidden Jane Mckeene.

IT'S AN AROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL CHARACTER LOVING THE HELL OUT OF ANOTHER TOUGH-AS-NAILS WOMAN WHO IS TOO AFRAID TO SHOW HOW MUCH SHE NEEDS LOVE

It's just.... It's... Look it's...

Deathless Divide is just beautiful, okay?

I know I'm repeating myself here, but I'm trying to find the right combination of words for why I love Jane and Katherine so damn much.

Jane is as tough as they come, the sort of character that often denies that they need love. But Jane knows she needs it, and to a certain extent, she chases it; she just doesn't think she deserves it. So she also tends to lock that need away where no one else can see it.

BUT Katherine sees it. An aromantic and asexual character, someone who "lacks" the types of love that society places as the pinnacle of human expression, and yet she's the one who can see Jane and who fights through all the barriers to love Jane.

It's just in defiance of so many tropes about action heroines and love and I am so soft for them both.

....maybe I should wait until i am more than a third of the way through this book to start spouting off like this but I LOVE THEM DAMMIT.

JANE FINDS HERSELF WORRYING ABOUT WHAT KATHERINE MIGHT THINK OF HER

Jane: I am prickly, and Katherine will be cross me, and no one will love me.

Katherine: Jane is prickly, and I find myself cross with her, and I love her.

DEATHLESS DIVIDE IS BREAKING ME ANEW EVERY GODDAMN CHAPTER NOOOOOOOOOO

Katherine's use of her corset sounds - at least in part - similar to a binder. Don't have the brain space to follow that train of thought, but the way she thinks about and uses it feels comparable to how I feel about my binder.

...........................this book

has me finding

corsets

relatable.

Had you gone back to tell little Abby that one day she would find corsets relatable, she would have given you the flattest damn look and proceeded to actively hate them out of spite.

(related only tangentially to this thread, but I'll often think "spite isn't a motivator for me," but then I remember all the times people tried to force feminity/sexuality/romance on me when I was growing up and I realize "wow yup that sure is some spite in this engine here.")