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TW: Gender Stuff and My Assault
So the reason I have been hesitant to release music is that my mental health stuff has been out of wack as of late. I& #39;m fine now. It& #39;s just I am preparing for my seasonal blues. but a lot of my issues are a part of a greater picture.
So the reason I have been hesitant to release music is that my mental health stuff has been out of wack as of late. I& #39;m fine now. It& #39;s just I am preparing for my seasonal blues. but a lot of my issues are a part of a greater picture.
I don& #39;t really know who I am at age 20-21. as I turn 21 in december I feel like (hopefully) one step closer to clarity. My more than friend relationships I feel arent working right now as I am dealing a lot mentally right now recently as I am not over something.
In 2018, at my last high school, I was manipulated into bad things by someone who I thought I could trust. Although later He tried to force me into a relationship and other things I am not ready to mention. He Then got kicked out of the school and Later I came foward.
I am past allowed to take action, and I& #39;d expect him to try to weasel his way out of things. I was told "boys will be boys" and to leave it alone and move on. So I stupidly did. It was really scary as I feel he had a personality disorder.
He Would try to be me. act like me, at first, it was funny and endearing but It got really creepy fast. He tried calling me in 2018 but I am worried he will call me again. I blocked his number, I am just worried he hasn& #39;t changed and I doubt he ever will.
I see him in everyone, I literally have trauma for certain things he did to me. I& #39;m pretty sure no one will believe me ever but It something I have to deal with. I can& #39;t really trust anyone anymore that I haven& #39;t been close with before. I really want to make new ones
But I am so suspicious of everyone. I am suspicious of myself. I don& #39;t like dating dudes cuz of this, HE RUINED THAT FOR ME. granted he ruined any idea of dating for me. I& #39;m just worried I show any affection for anyone in anyway plutonic or nonplutonic, It will be the same event
I& #39;m letting him hurt me. I can& #39;t be a cute pan person anymore, I can& #39;t really be a girl or boy anymore. HE RUINED THAT. My gender dysphoria got worse as I gradutated and came home. I& #39;ve cut off even more people too. cuz of stuff like this.
I just hate how people cant call me what I want to be called. I just don& #39;t want to be alone anymore. Now to wrap things up, things are brighter. I am opening up to people more, I love my friends but I like a girl who lives in ohio, I like, She is helping me be me again.
Josh, you also have helped too. Thx for everything, Just be patient with me and the ep for anyone who follows me or is interested in my music. I just would like for yall to just get help if you are struggling.
Self harm, Suicide or, blaming yourself like I am isn& #39;t the way out. devolp coping skills.
Crying is ok too.
Crying is ok too.
Lastly Shoutout @OfficialJoshA this song ironically made me think and cry. I love my life I just can& #39;t let all the stuff in this thread harm me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlyVrluSeD0&ab_channel=JoshA">https://www.youtube.com/watch...
