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I& #39;ve been fortunate enough over the years to connect with many wonderful humans on the internet (and some in real life), and over time I& #39;ve got a little better at reaching out and understanding that folks literally owe me nothing (but rarely offer nothing). Lessons learned: 1/n
1. Have an actual reason
The person you& #39;re reaching out to likely has a busy life (as do you) and has to decide where to spend their finite energy. Some of my worst requests started with something like "I& #39;d like to pick your brain on..." 2/n
The person you& #39;re reaching out to likely has a busy life (as do you) and has to decide where to spend their finite energy. Some of my worst requests started with something like "I& #39;d like to pick your brain on..." 2/n
Asking if I could pick someones brain was at best a lazy request, and at worst disrespectful of their time and emotional energy. When asking for something, it& #39;s generally best to avoid having that person do all of the work. 3/n
I& #39;d often have a specific reason that caused me to reach out, but failed to articulate it. Understandably, this meant fewer replies and some back and forth to get to the actual point. I learned this lesson pretty quickly. 4/n
Why are you reaching out? Will the person you& #39;re reaching out to specifically be able to help you with this? It& #39;s good to understand what you& #39;re looking to learn and which questions might help you get there. 5/n
2. Perform due diligence
Essentially: do some research before speaking with folks. Have they written about the thing you& #39;re looking to learn? Have they been interviewed on the subject? Have they answered the same (or similar) question online? 6/n
Essentially: do some research before speaking with folks. Have they written about the thing you& #39;re looking to learn? Have they been interviewed on the subject? Have they answered the same (or similar) question online? 6/n
This is helpful for a couple of reasons: you won& #39;t be asking questions that might well have been asked (and answered) many times in the past, and you& #39;ll potentially get to ask brand new questions, or dig deeper on something. 7/n
If this person has a portfolio, you can also learn more about their work and the role they typically play (if you don& #39;t know this already), and who else they work with (which might be helpful context when building up a picture). 8/n
I& #39;ll note that you& #39;re not doing this to somehow "trick" the person you& #39;re reaching out to. You can stop short of learning the name of their six pets; you& #39;re just looking to understand enough to ask good questions. 9/n
3. Be brief and relevant
I used to believe that the *length* of my reach-out was somehow correlated with the *quality* of it: "look how much time I& #39;ve spent crafting this long note". I& #39;ve since discovered that the inverse is probably true. 10/n
I used to believe that the *length* of my reach-out was somehow correlated with the *quality* of it: "look how much time I& #39;ve spent crafting this long note". I& #39;ve since discovered that the inverse is probably true. 10/n
I& #39;ll only speak from personal experience when I say: if I receive a long note from someone, I feel an odd duty to send something similar in return—which really means setting several reminders until I... don& #39;t. 11/n
Like many others, I& #39;m sure, I don& #39;t do this with malice—life just gets in the way, and I have to choose how to spend my time. Give folks a fighting chance of replying by being succinct and specific with how you reach out. 12/n
Hey [name], I just read [post of theirs] and it really resonated. I recently took on management responsibilities at work and I’m trying to learn as much as I can from folks who have been there. Would you be open to discussing over email or a ~20m call?
It can be this short. 13/n
It can be this short. 13/n
4. Drop the entitlement
When I first started reaching out (many years ago) there was some small part of me that believed I deserved a response: "who ignores a nice email from someone". This was grossly disrespectful of the folks I reached out to. 14/n
When I first started reaching out (many years ago) there was some small part of me that believed I deserved a response: "who ignores a nice email from someone". This was grossly disrespectful of the folks I reached out to. 14/n
Something I had to learn quickly (and was one of the best lessons to learn): I& #39;m absolutely not owed a response in this context. Ever. Unsolicited messages are just that, and people get to decide where to spend their energy. 15/n
It& #39;s also worth thinking about what you& #39;re asking for: sending a quick email with 3 well-articulated questions is an order of magnitude away from asking someone if you can "pick their brain" on a 60 minute call. 16/n
Ultimately, this is about being empathetic of and respectful towards the people you& #39;re reaching out to. They have lives of their own and finite time that they can spend. At the very least, ask for little and make it easy to answer. 17/n
5. Respect people& #39;s time
I hope that this is something I& #39;ve always done well, but I have to remind myself regularly: when someone gives you some of their time and energy, pay attention and be respectful of their time and boundaries. 18/n
I hope that this is something I& #39;ve always done well, but I have to remind myself regularly: when someone gives you some of their time and energy, pay attention and be respectful of their time and boundaries. 18/n
This can be small things like showing up for your video call on time and being aware of when you& #39;ve hit the time agreed to—they might be happy to run over, but try to avoid putting the burden on others to call time. 19/n
Some things that might be less obvious initially: if you& #39;d like to record calls to watch back later, ask if the person you& #39;re speaking to is comfortable. If you& #39;re taking notes, let folks know to avoid looking overly distracted. 20/n
Some of this stuff will depend on context—you might be speaking via email, or over video, or in person. Ultimately, it& #39;s just being sensitive to the fact that folks will have preferences for how they communicate. 21/n
*Note*
This feels like a lot, but much of it might come naturally to you. Some of these things have been learned over time, and some I write down as a reminder and to reflect on how I personally communicate. I& #39;m sharing what& #39;s worked for me, but hope that it helps others. 22/n
This feels like a lot, but much of it might come naturally to you. Some of these things have been learned over time, and some I write down as a reminder and to reflect on how I personally communicate. I& #39;m sharing what& #39;s worked for me, but hope that it helps others. 22/n
I& #39;d also encourage folks to reach out to *lots* of people. These things help me to reach out and connect; none of these things hold me back (and I hope that they wouldn& #39;t hold others back). Relax, have fun, and connect with interesting and kind people. 23/n
If this thread was useful, I& #39;ve written a few more words on it in the past. I& #39;d also love to chat about it (and many other things), so I& #39;d love it if you reached out.
https://craigfro.st/2020/04/19/reaching-out.html">https://craigfro.st/2020/04/1...
https://craigfro.st/2020/04/19/reaching-out.html">https://craigfro.st/2020/04/1...
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