I realized that I had to relax the definition of what constitutes a lie. I thought everything was a lie and acted upon it, emotionally & pretty selfishly tbh. Blatant lies are usually bad, but it’s not a lie if someone’s opinion was come to by a different way than yours was.

It’s simply not. It may be unwise or not respectable to you but it’s not lying. If this makes you less trusting, I’d ask you why? You don’t need to agree with them?

I used to accuse my husband of lying when he’d promise me he wouldn’t do something & then would-then I realized I was being a controlling nag who pestered him into doing what I wanted. He was wrong for not saying ‘no, I’m going to drink energy drinks because I am a grown man’

—thanks for your opinion’ and I was wrong for browbeating him into submission in the first place. But it wasn’t actually the same as lying. It was him changing his mind...

I also challenged myself to look at WHY people lied to me and changed my mind about how personally I’d take that. People often lie because they’re ashamed, or afraid. Shit, the only lies I ever told were for those reasons too.

Holding space for others to come back to me & tell the truth because I’ve carefully and lovingly shown them that *I* am trustworthy enough to understand and have grace has fostered the most honest relationships I’ve ever had.

I am strong and capable of holding space with love and grace. I don’t have to look for future threat when someone lies about what they did when they were a teenager or some other petty personal stuff.