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Please take some time out of your undoubtedly very busy day and let me tell you about the utter, utter, insanity and sheer mind-numbing stupidity that cancelling my @dutweets home services package has turned into. I promise you much entertainment. 1/
First port of call? The @dutweets shop at Al Barsha Mall. Chap at the door asks what I've come for. I say, cancelling my home services package. He gives me a ticket. I wait. I get called to a counter. The lady tells me, it's not possible to cancel DU services in 2/
the Du shops, it can only be done online or by phone. Okay, but why not give me this info, before giving me a queue ticket? Anyhows, I go home and call the DU cancellation team. Much button pressing ensues. No @dutweets persons answers for a loooooooooing time. 3/
Finally, an agent answers and take down my request. He says I'll get an email when it's done. Great. I hang up, email arrives, all good. A few hours later, another email arrives telling me that the request is rejected, because I haven't paid the cancellation charges. 4/
Right. What kind of company still charges full cancellation charges in the current situation? @dutweets does, because they don't give a monkey whether you've lost your job, haven't been paid, or (probably) have died. They want the money. No problem, I'm not going to waste time 5/
arguing. I transfer the money. I get an SMS saying the money has been received and the service will be cancelled. Then I get another SMS saying they payment was not received due to "technical issues" and - get this! - to go to a @dutweets shop to sort it out. 6/
So, I go to the @dutweets shop in Ibn Battuta Mall, which is where things got really hilarious. No one in the shop can assist with this. Instead, I'm told they have to request a video call with the @dutweets billing department and could I wait a few minutes. OK. I wait. 7/
Eventually, I'm asked to step behind the desk of one of the @dutweets agents in their Ibn Battuta shop, while he is serving another customer. No social distancing here, hey! We're shoulder to shoulder while I look into his screen and talk to this chap from the DU billing 8/
department. That's right. I'm standing in a @dutweets shop, rubbing shoulders with a DU customer service agent while talking to a @dutweets agent in a video call. The result? I overpaid and they owe me AED 833. How do I get it back? I have to email the billing department and 9/
request a refund. Correct, the same people Im just speaking to. The chap's nice enough to show me the email address on the video call screen. No, he can't email me. No, he can't send it by SMS. Those channels are only for @dutweets sales spam. Instead, he suggests I'll take 10/
a picture of the screen with my phone. I point out the utter stupidity of all this to him, but he says he cannot change @dutweets company policy. He looks tired. He sounds tired. He probably gets this 5,000 times every day. I don't blame him. It's not him. It's not me. 11/
It's you, @dutweets. You're all that's bad about telecom providers. You are the reason people cry tears laughing when the word "Digital" and "UAE" are mentioned together. I have no words left to describe what an absolutely, complete and utter shambles and pure 12/
hellish fuckwittery your procedures are. What totally unhinged piece of telecommunications wankstain dictates that this is how your customers should be treated? The earth, nay, the universe, would be a better place, if @dutweets wouldn't exist. Alright. Now give me my money 13/
back, so I will never have the extremely bad misfortune of having to deal with you again, @dutweets. There is a special place in hell for companies like you and it's full of press *, then press #, and oh sorry, we can't do that, because that'll make far too much sense. 14/
